I am 24. He is 25. I have a masters and teach english. He saved enough to go back to school for a degree in Computer Science. I showed him around campus, all the logistical things at my uni, helped him with his resume and getting internships. I taught him how to get healthcare to fix his broken arm, cooked and meal prepped for him every week bc he did not have a lot of money. I tried to be my best and help him. he always called me his angel bc I did my best to help and care for him always. I know that sounds a little delusional. BUt this was my first time being giving and trying to put another’s needs ahead of my own. I would have done anything to help him, even just as friends..until I found out about the other girl and he blamed my mental illness for leaving me. I was balanced. welcomed into my community with warm friends, joy, music, laughter, and light. He always said if we ever broke up he wouldnt be in a relationship for a long time, bc I awoken something in him he thought he lost. He thought he did not need romantic relationships.

I was truly blindsided. All of my friends and family felt shocked and betrayed after they found out what he did as well bc he behaved so loving and kind towards me. It was the first relationship that I was in that I trusted and openly displayed that trust and caring attitude in my actions.

My ex blocked myself and all my friends from every form of contact. I have not been talking to him since I told him he had wronged me in a clear/concise manner and that saying you are a “nice” person and being one through your actions are two very different things. I told him this about a week ago. he always said he never wanted me to disappear and missed me since we broke up, even when he was with the other girl. He had a girl, supposedly (im not so sure now!) harassing him and wouldnt even block her. When I called him on his actions and refused to accept his weak defenses, he just blocked me, my friends, anything to do with me. He also sent back the shirt I got him–which hurt. Why not just through them away! I didnt want to talk to him. But part of me hoped in months I would overcome it, and genuinely wish him well. OR maybe (never hold out hope for this) but he would acknowledge and apologize for how he treated me.

I’d like to think things won’t go well for him, as immature as that is. I know there is no karma, and as far as he’s concerned he did nothing wrong. I had a gf leave me a few years ago for a similar reason. Waited for someone else then left. Now they are happily married. More comparable than we ever were.

My mental health has really took a turn–it bothers me. It bothers me bc it justifies his reason to leave me. Now I am in a depression and a mess. He said he left bc he was going down an unhealthy path–now I feel I am.

I don’t know what to do to feel okay. I don’t know how I can trust. And I can’t seem to let go of the attachment of the idea that he was a beautiful, kind soul that would never hurt me. I would almost rather be wrong than accept that who he was, wasnt real