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ZoeyD

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  • #326471

    ZoeyD
    Participant

    Thank you anita! True I wasn;’t perfect! And i do not regret anything I did. I suppose it just hurt worse bc I thought I did my best! I really wasnt jealous. And I do not want to carry trust issues into my future relationships. I never guilted him. the only time I have mentioned or listed the things I did for him was in this forum bc you asked. I did those things bc I wanted to. I did not want to control him, but I see how you could get that read on that. In the end, it is an issue of control with me. Someone can leave your for any reason, anytime. It is as simple as: he started seeing her and no longer wanted to see me. She was better for him. I wasnt. It just hurts.

    There are no guarantees.

    #326395

    ZoeyD
    Participant

    I am 24. He is 25. I have a masters and teach english. He saved enough to go back to school for a degree in Computer Science. I showed him around campus, all the logistical things at my uni, helped him with his resume and getting internships. I taught him how to get healthcare to fix his broken arm, cooked and meal prepped for him every week bc he did not have a lot of money. I tried to be my best and help him. he always called me his angel bc I did my best to help and care for him always. I know that sounds a little delusional. BUt this was my first time being giving and trying to put another’s needs ahead of my own. I would have done anything to help him, even just as friends..until I found out about the other girl and he blamed my mental illness for leaving me. I was balanced. welcomed into my community with warm friends, joy, music, laughter, and light. He always said if we ever broke up he wouldnt be in a relationship for a long time, bc I awoken something in him he thought he lost. He thought he did not need romantic relationships.

     

    I was truly blindsided. All of my friends and family felt shocked and betrayed after they found out what he did as well bc he behaved so loving and kind towards me. It was the first relationship that I was in that I trusted and openly displayed that trust and caring attitude in my actions.

    #326231

    ZoeyD
    Participant

    I cannot break my conception that he is a nice pure guy. He treated me that way in person. Though his texts were cold. Idk why my brain cant let that go. He is so pure and amazing in my head still. So kind, no one will compare. And it feels like I am just blaming myself. It had to be me. He left. He chose her, and he knew me well. He chose her.

    #326219

    ZoeyD
    Participant

    My ex blocked myself and all my friends from every form of contact. I have not been talking to him since I told him he had wronged me in a clear/concise manner and that saying you are a “nice” person and being one through your actions are two very different things. I told him this about a week ago. he always said he never wanted me to disappear and missed me since we broke up, even when he was with the other girl. He had a girl, supposedly (im not so sure now!) harassing him and wouldnt even block her. When I called him on his actions and refused to accept his weak defenses, he just blocked me, my friends, anything to do with me. He also sent back the shirt I got him–which hurt. Why not just through them away! I didnt want to talk to him. But part of me hoped in months I would overcome it, and genuinely wish him well. OR maybe (never hold out hope for this) but he would acknowledge and apologize for how he treated me.

    I’d like to think things won’t go well for him, as immature as that is. I know there is no karma, and as far as he’s concerned he did nothing wrong. I had a gf leave me a few years ago for a similar reason. Waited for someone else then left. Now they are happily married. More comparable than we ever were.

    My mental health has really took a turn–it bothers me. It bothers me bc it justifies his reason to leave me. Now I am in a depression and a mess. He said he left bc he was going down an unhealthy path–now I feel I am.

    #325465

    ZoeyD
    Participant

    Inky,

     

    Thank you so much. That helped me so much! Do you have any recommendations for not blaming yourself? Not feeling like it was you that was deficient in some way?

    Best always,

    Delani

    #325395

    ZoeyD
    Participant

    I don’t know what to do to feel okay. I don’t know how I can trust. And I can’t seem to let go of the attachment of the idea that he was a beautiful, kind soul that would never hurt me. I would almost rather be wrong than accept that who he was, wasnt real

    #325393

    ZoeyD
    Participant

    Hi Anita!

     

    Thank you for replying. I don’t know how long he was with her. But I know immediately after he ended things he was in an official relationship with her. I don’t know how to not blame myself bc it he left and betrayed me, I must have done something, or not seen something. I dont know how another could be so deceptive, when they acted so kind and pure and said they would never do what they did…but were being dishonest all along 🙁

     

     

    It is rough. Your reply helps !

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)