Forum Replies Created
January 5, 2015 at 5:32 pm #70554
Cindy gives very good advice and you are in good company, my friend. A lot of us struggle with this and beat ourselves up over it. You can’t control how others feel, only yourself. Forgive yourself. Accept those that aren’t but don’t close those doors completely. Time is a good healer and you might find that in time, people may come around. Learn from your mistakes and walk your new journey.
Light and love,
ZTJuly 25, 2014 at 3:28 am #61727
The Ruminant gave you very good suggestions. Allow yourself to feel and grieve. Don’t fight it. Healing takes time and we are all different in what effects us and how long it takes us to accept something.
Nurture yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself – the same way you would if were helping a friend who was recovering from something. Spend time in quiet and stillness, if possible in nature. Celebrate the fact that you have so much love in you. Enjoy it and indulge in it for yourself.
Peace and strength to you.March 23, 2014 at 1:11 pm #53411
I’m not sure if you’ve read it yet, but there’s an article here on Tiny Buddha about Social Media. It, and the comments may be helpful to you.
For myself, I find Facebook to be addicting. I like what it was intended for – to connect to people from the past, but I feel so disconnected with some of them even though their posts are often very personal. I’ve been on and off it for about a year and a half. I find myself hoping that if I keep the lines of communication open, some of them might want to meet off of it for quality friendship time.
Currently, I’m taking a break from there. Because I can be addicted, too, I change my password to something I need to look up and destroy it until I’m ready to go back on. It’s easier than being questioned about deactivating by the few people who notice.
🙂 PeaceFebruary 18, 2014 at 7:08 am #51251
Same goes. In the meantime, keep spreading goodness in the world.February 17, 2014 at 4:33 am #51167
No…I was naïve – lol – but it’s ok. “When you look for the good in people, that’s what you’ll find.”
I can probably count on one hand the times we saw each other face-to-face. We had contact with each other on and off for about 5 years when we were teens. Over the years I’ve kept a soft spot for him and considered him a good piece of my past – and he was. I realize now that I never really knew him – or as you said, “saw him for what he is.”
I’m with you, I don’t want to be bitter about this because I’m not that kind of person. My mom had two sayings she liked to use, “If it’s meant to be, it will be” and “This, too, shall pass.” I think for both of our experiences, Lily, they are both fitting. On the one hand, it would be really nice to be wrong 😉 … but realistically, it’s just a life lesson that has be journeyed through.
Since then, I’ve been more in tune with myself and the people I’m surrounded by and I’m very blessed.
Peace and happiness to you! 🙂February 13, 2014 at 1:06 pm #50925
I had hard life lesson experience with someone virtually, too. I hadn’t been in touch with him for decades and when I found him on-line, he seemed just as exited as I was. He lived only a few towns away all this time. It felt friendly and natural – at first. He’d been a sweet friend and pen pal to me when I was younger so that’s how I still thought of him.
For about a month, we contacted each other every day. He shared such personal, tragic things with me and I felt for him. I wanted to be his friend and for him to be mine. Pen pals, like we were. Then things got different. He would initiate contact and then blow me off. I’d let it go for weeks and then contact him. Sometimes he’d reply as if he were happy to hear from me, and “share” things with me that made me extremely uncomfortable. Other times, he would blow me off. I spent a good amount of time wondering whether I should keep our communication open or close this chapter in my life. I reflected a lot, too, and realized that a lot of his stories changed during our correspondence and that other red flags came up. It was very emotional because I’d always seen him as another type of person- and Chermich, I love that you acknowledged Lily’s feelings as being real because that’s how they felt to me.
In the end, I decided to break contact without saying “good-bye”. I’d made an honest effort in being a good friend to him and truthfully, I don’t know him and am not sure I ever really did. I felt very manipulated and naïve about the whole experience until recently when I shared it with a friend. She told me to accept this lesson and to embrace the fact that I am a caring person.
I think it is terrific, Lily, that you are allowing yourself time to adjust.
Strength and Happiness to you!
February 13, 2014 at 12:03 pm #50920
- This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by ztwilliams.
Personally I dislike the term “let it go” – how do you do that when something meant so much to you? Acceptance makes more sense to me. It’s a step in the grieving process. I’ve dealt with a few things within the last few years and found that when I tried denying my feelings, I ended up feeling worse – like relapsing. Nurturing myself physically, and setting frequent time aside to allow my emotions to surface made my process a little smoother.
You are grieving, and the fact that you are a man with feelings does not make you less of one. No offense to anyone, but I disagree with actual revenge. This is not about “them” – it’s about you and your healing. And you should take all the time that you need.
Much strength and luck to you! 🙂February 9, 2014 at 4:44 pm #50597
One last thing, recently, I’ve been able to do some of the things I enjoyed before. They are better the 2nd time around.February 9, 2014 at 4:36 pm #50596
Hi Craig, I’m a 43 year old married, working mom of two. I think a lot of people feel the way you do but only some admit it. I’ve wondered about midlife, too.
To share a bit of my story with you, I lost my mom two years ago. We didn’t have a terrific relationship, but I stepped in to keep tabs on my dad and deal with the stuff that gets left behind. As that was going on, I found myself drawn to a lot of negative people, too. Misery loves company, they didn’t help me at all, and I had their sad stories stuck in my head, too. I’m generally optimistic so I tried doing anything that I used to enjoy and as you put it, “failed”. This made me feel worse.
So like Angel, I tried new things I hadn’t done before, knowing I’d fail at them at first. I laughed at my mistakes when I could, spent a lot of time by myself, outside in nature, and cried when I had to. I read a lot of optimistic “self-help” stuff on sites like this one. One tip I read was to imagine what I would do or say if one of my children were feeling the way I was. I would ask them, are you doing the best that you can for right now and in this moment? Another was to count my blessings. I forced myself to move in some way each day as a form of exercise – Neil is right, it really helps. I also try to make better choices eating. That helps, too.
For the past few months, I’ve been in a much better “place” than I was. It didn’t happen over night and I have to keep at it. I’ve been able to reflect productively. Many of those negative friends of mine are going through a lot of things, too: deaths, salary cuts, caring for elderly, etc. I think it’s part of being in our 40s. We are truly the grown-ups now.
This was my first time responding to anyone’s topic. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for. Oh, and thank you for your service to our country. Namaste. 🙂January 30, 2014 at 1:53 pm #50029
This was great, Mark, thank you for sharing!