Dear Anita,

You wrote, “Emotional mastery doesn’t have a look. It doesn’t look like any particular thing.A person who mastered his/ her emotions cannot be recognized. A person trying to look like he mastered his emotions, a guru type. And when such a person recognizes a person looking for a guru, there is a match. A personal standard, highly personal. Not something to show off like a new car or a college degree.

“Some of the characteristics are the ability to endure distress, to not automatically react to distress in destructive ways, to calm oneself down when agitated and before acting, patience with oneself and with others. These do not look, again, like anything in everyday life: there is no look, a glitter in the eye or a certain strong chin, or a head held high… no appearances to emotional mastery.”

I recognize people who have emotional mastery and do not just talk about it. They are non-reactive and act more from higher feelings than from lower emotions. It is past due in human history to bring this awareness from being highly personal to being culturally normal. The look is not a glitter, but gold that can be seen by those with eyes to see.

I agree that a person trying to look like she has mastered her emotions is obvious, and that emotional mastery is not something to show off. A person who has gained emotional mastery does not talk about their own mastery. It is individual, and evident, when the self-mastery is real.

Thank you for responding.

Gary