I won’t lie – I guess I won’t be able to ever fully understand it, as I’ve always been a person who lets my heart do the talking. I thought ‘head people’ were very much fictitious, because I cannot ever imagine making a sacrifice that big in my life. But I guess that’s naive of me – I can only speak for myself, as I only know how to experience life through my own eyes. My upbringing has shaped me the way I’m sure his upbringing has shaped him.

I think the issue here is that our relationship played out away from his home country, so I rarely ever got to see him interact in that setting. I spent a month there a couple of years back, and it was enough for me to see how much influence not only his immediate family has, but his extended – in particular his mother’s siblings. They all seem to work in sync with each other in order to influence and get their own way. They’re all very much in each other’s business, play the guilt card on a daily basis, and gossip about one another behind their backs.

Because I got to know my ex away from this, I didn’t see him in this dynamic. It’s only once I was there that I saw how it worked and how stressful it must be. When we were together, he’d Skype with his mum all the time, particularly towards the end of our relationship. And he’d always be down and moody when he finished talking to her, which was in contrast to the way he would be when me and him would finish Skyping with my family.

I am glad I got to visit as I got to see how it all worked and I can imagine how it all played out. The thing that pains me is how manipulative and two-faced his mother was. I thought she liked me, although I had proof that perhaps there was something not quite right there. She bare faced lied to me, which also hurts.

So while I do understand what you’re saying – how he’s numbing himself, and trying to convince himself that he’s done the right thing, I, as a heart person, find it so extremely difficult to believe someone can do something like that, let alone function relatively normally after doing so. If I were in his situation I’m sure I would have gone even more to pieces than I did when we broke up. Although my therapist explains this by saying that back him he had a lot to keep himself busy with – his decision, for one. The task of getting back on track with the career chosen for him, wedding preparations, the praise from everyone etc. But surely this will all end at some point? How do you then manage to live a life that was chosen for you without falling apart?

Is he just stronger than me? Or is it just another way of thinking?