Hi weepingdragon–

I am wondering…are you still receiving treatment (I mean REAL treatment, not being locked away) for your depression and anxiety? Depression and anxiety will distort your perceptions of yourself and those around you. (This I know firsthand, having struggled with depression for nearly 40 years.) It causes pain, and makes the positive things that “normal” people take for granted, like being happy, having loving relationships, and caring for themselves seem impossible. I am hearing the depression speaking loud and clear in your posts. I don’t think that is who you really are.

I see a guy who is trying hard to be a good person (not just “likeable”, but a decent human being), and who is grieving a great loss. Neither of those two things are easy to deal with. I don’t see a monster, or someone who is flawed or worthless. You’re hurting.

Maybe this doesn’t really answer the basic question that you’re asking–why you can’t find a loving partner, and how to overcome that particular hurdle. What I wanted to emphasize was that you ARE worthwhile. You deserve happiness and peace. It so happens that you have conditions which make life challenging for you, to say the least. That isn’t your fault.

If you haven’t already, talk to a mental health professional who can address the depression and anxiety. You are worth it.