Thanks everyone for your comments on this.

I feel a little lost, and often apathetic. Have been trying to be kinder to myself and be loving to myself, and I’m starting to recognise my own needs more and put those first. Putting myself down constantly comes naturally and I don’t always recognise it happening. I feel like I’m being selfish if I am nice to myself.
Things seem very hopeless in the long run.

I hoped to update this thread, but I’m not entirely sure of what to say, only that I want do want to say things, and want to change. I don’t know what direction to go in. I don’t know.