How can I love myself?

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    Gary R. Smith

    Well said, slp1214.

    Mangesh Paradkar

    Can you see that the one which you call ‘myself’ is full of contradictions. Its not just your self. Everybody’s self is that way.

    We like certain things about our Self and we do not like other things about our self.

    So in this situation can you see the futility of loving your Self. Its impossible. One cannot love oneself all the time. That is because what we call our Self comes from the outside. This self is made of all the opinions that you have gathered and labelled it as you since the time you came into this world. These opinions would have been either good or bad. But these were just opinions. And opinions are never real.

    Hence whatever you feel about yourself is the collective opinion of all the experiences you have had in life.

    But is this the real you? Have you ever questioned that?

    You are not the self which you think to be. So start your search of the real you which is underneath this mind, the thoughts, the feelings.

    Finding out the real you is possible if you start looking.

    Only then a complete change is possible


    Thanks everyone for your comments on this.

    I feel a little lost, and often apathetic. Have been trying to be kinder to myself and be loving to myself, and I’m starting to recognise my own needs more and put those first. Putting myself down constantly comes naturally and I don’t always recognise it happening. I feel like I’m being selfish if I am nice to myself.
    Things seem very hopeless in the long run.

    I hoped to update this thread, but I’m not entirely sure of what to say, only that I want do want to say things, and want to change. I don’t know what direction to go in. I don’t know.


    Dear Norit:

    Glad you are back to your thread and you are welcome.

    You wrote: ” I want do want.. to change. I don’t know what direction to go in.” I think the direction is competent psychotherapy. I really do!

    post again, anytime.



    Thank you Anita.

    I’m booked to see a therapist in a couple of months time. Is there anything I can do in the mean time? I read lots of self help related things. I understand much of the logic behind the way I am, but I don’t think I’ve worked through it emotionally.

    I’m not able to work at the moment because of my anxiety, and I wouldn’t get past the interview any way,
    but being stuck at home is very uncomfortable because my mum’s an alcoholic and I feel anxious around everyone. I’m looking into volunteering so I can get away from home. I keep feeling like there’s a rush and pressure to do things, but I suppose there isn’t any.

    I’m trying to practise mindfulness each day, but have been forgetting lately. This post is a good example of that, I’m thinking ahead instead of taking it day by day?

    Sorry for all the ‘I’s in my post. I feel so selfish whenever I post here, but I don’t know what else to do with myself. This website feels like a step forward.


    Dear Norit:

    It is a shame your home is very uncomfortable. It really is not a HOME, is it, if it feels uncomfortable. If you feel anxious in it, not safe. A real home is a place where you feel safe.

    Getting outside of the “home” then is a good idea and a better idea would be leaving altogether, make a life for yourself away from this place of discomfort and anxiousness.

    As an anxious person the most important need you have is for safety, a safe place to live in, a real home.

    Any options of moving elsewhere?



    Hi Norit,

    “I would like to love myself, to care about myself, to actually want to live a life for myself, but it seems hopeless. I don’t know what to do. Is it possible to change?

    “I’m not entirely sure of what to say, only that I want do want to say things, and want to change. I don’t know what direction to go in. I don’t know.”

    Here is a straight direction for you for more of self-love.

    Register for free on this page. You can use an alias email id if you prefer to not use your original email Id.


    You will receive the 5 pdfs mentioned on the above page.

    I’ve got all of these PDFs and just to let you know they are not long boring pdfs to read…

    1. Secrets to Loving Yourself! – 18 pages
    2. 10 ROAD-BLOCKS TO SELF LOVE – 15 pages

    …are just couple of examples.

    And if you are interested in something with a small paid amount then check out the below link from the same person as for the above ones (Aine Belton) which includes daily emails, steps, processes, exercises, guided meditations (more on the link below)


    Share your experience of love here.

    Best Wishes!

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by VJ.

    Anita – I have some savings for a deposit, and I think I’d be entitled to benefits that will help with rent as I can’t work currently. Honestly, this is going to sound very immature I imagine, but moving out is never something I’ve thought of doing realistically until now. I would very much like to leave, because my family can be quite hostile and intense, and it’s only getting worse as my mother’s addiction is getting worse. But I don’t have the slightest idea about how to go about doing it. It all seems a bit overwhelming.
    A life away from this discomfort and anxiousness sounds like a dream!

    VJ – Thank you very much for the links. I plan on registering this weekend, and seeing how it goes. Will update with my thoughts! Could you share some of your thoughts on them?


    Dear Norit:

    Do what you need to do to move out and make a safe home for yourself. I would very much like to read from you soon enough that you are safe.

    Some people have dreams that cannot come true or are not likely to come true. Your dream can come true- you can make it happen. You wrote: “A life away from this discomfort and anxiousness sounds like a dream!”

    Please do make this dream a reality!



    Thank you for replying again, Anita. I’m so grateful. I’m going to make an appointment with someone who can offer some housing advice, so hopefully that’ll help.

    My mum has been drinking & I’m finding it hard to deal with today. She used to talk to me about her problems a lot and knows this is no help to either of us, but now talks to herself a lot, often near me or following me to a nearby room. (I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid or not but it seems like she is.) She’s quite overbearing and controlling sometimes, not liking if I do things for myself, and it’s always worse when she’s drunk, and I feel guilty for upsetting her.

    I wait anxiously whenever she’s been drinking for my dad to come home, because he will lose her temper with her, usually slamming things, shouting in her face, and recently pushing her too. I know it’s not my place to intervene in their relationship and don’t anymore, but feel very guilty for not helping or standing up for her when he acts this way. I want to do the chores/cooking she does so it makes it less obvious she’s been drinking, but that’s enabling her further. But at the same time I don’t want to annoy him. I know I should get away ideally, but I can’t drive so going out in the evenings/weekends when he’s home isn’t an option. I’m also always worried she’s going to be sick, because I know that’s when I definitely shouldn’t be doing anything, but don’t want to annoy my family by not ‘helping’.

    I’m having a difficult day today and kinda wanted to talk about it, and this is the only place I could think of, so I hope it’s okay I’m posting this here. I just feel very drained.


    Dear Norit:

    Yes, it is okay for you to post here- anytime you need to. You are living in a no-win situation. At best you can survive it but you cannot thrive, you cannot move beyond mere survival in such an environment. This environment, these interactions between your mother-you-your father, these are harming you, and there is nothing you can do to fix any of it.

    Understandably you are drained. So use any ounce of energy you do have to moving out.

    And do post anytime. Wish life will be so much better for you, soon.



    Dear Norit,

    I got to read your post now. I suggest to not get too much into the “thoughts world” else the egoic mind will take you to difficult places and things will become chaotic. Straight-away get to the action point – which is – get the PDFs -> go through them -> implement them – and start loving yourself.

    If you had registered after your last post, I hope by now you might away received most of free books, one pdf email at a time.

    Take care,

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by VJ.

    I’ve been following Tiny Buddha from quite a lot time now and I always follow this website and read articles which really motivate me.
    and because I used to love reading about life, passion, compassion, relationships, i started writing my own blog regarding the same topics and i love writing it and even started with the forums where people can share, discuss, question, advice, and participate
    Coming back to How can we love ourself
    All of us are born with goodness in our hearts . May be you are feeling sad, frustrated or any negative feeling, then you are looking at the world through that feeling field and the world will look sad, disappointing or frustrating to you.
    You must first change your feelings and the outer circumstance will change .
    Be in gratitude, think about all the good things that has happened with you
    Our highest power is Love. Love is appreciating, complimenting, feeling gratitude, and saying good words. Start doing this and you start loving yourself more than you have ever loved yourself

    Gary R. Smith

    Hi Mishika,

    When people with your awareness start sharing from the heart, with authenticity, as you have here, we will see the blossoming of the innate goodness of humanity. As you say, shifting the energy from sad, disappointing and frustrating to being in gratitude, appreciating, complimenting and bringing good words and deeds to whatever we meet in life is an act of will, it is an individual choice and must come from within. It is only through bringing this innate goodness out to the world in need through our energy and actions that there will be change. What is the URL of your blog?


    Yes, Norit. You can change. Start first physically to get some extra “natural” help in the form of endorphins and other special feel good chemicals produced by your own brain. That is by exercising, eating healthy and getting enough sleep. Sounds Cliché. But it’s not! You will notice a change automatically and it will motivate you to the next steps in your life. You have to start somewhere. Why not there? It amazes me how many people neglect this opportunity for good change.

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