Dear norit:

Any time you post is fine. The third dimension I mentioned in my last post to you is something you had when you were a young child but it was taken away from you by your parents. When they ignored your feelings, your awareness of your feelings dried out, from lack of attention and validation by your parents. They taught you that what they feel matters and what you feel doesn’t. So you ignored your own feelings, figuring they really don’t matter.

But you need your feelings, you need to be aware of them so to be healthy and live a good life. And so, the third dimension is becoming aware of your feelings. You are aware of anxiety and depression, but these are not simple feelings, they are a whole lot of feelings scrambled in a mass or a mess, and those simple feelings need to be untangled and freed.

An example of a simple feeling (inside that mass of depression) would be a feeling of hurt when you tried to help your mother and instead of appreciating it, she ignored your efforts, once again.

To get in touch with your simple feelings and so, develop that third dimension, competent psychotherapist will help, a support group perhaps (free), a place with people where you feel safe to express your feelings.

Of course, you are welcome here, anytime.

anita

Dear norit:

You are making sense to me. Overthinking, expecting to feel any certain way.. these are part of that tangled mass and mess I mentioned. Pay attention, be Mindful, ‘catch” yourself experiencing a feeling or a sensation, like enjoying a particular food, and say to yourself: this is the sensation of pleasure! Catch yourself feeling sleepy and say to yourself: this is the sensation of sleepiness, and so on.

Pay attention and you will learn. The practice is the paying of attention.

anita

Dear norit:

It is confusing and distressing to not let yourself just be, just feel. It is distressing to be questioning yourself like you do. Do you question every feeling/ body sensation, including pleasure of eating? Sleepiness? Anger, hurt, sadness… every feeling?

anita

Dear norit:

Patiently, gently, notice when you feel this or that, be it a physical sensation or a feeling, and say to yourself: I feel this; I feel that. Just notice. It is the practice of Mindfulness that I learned in therapy. Right now I feel tired (physical sensation) and a bit sad. Underneath I feel a bit anxious. This is what I feel now. A bit too full (physical sensation). I am looking forward to going to sleep, hoping to feel better tomorrow.

Share anytime, like I just did, what you feel.

anita

Dear norit:

You are welcome, I would like very much to help you and will continue to try for as long as you are willing to have me try.

If you are wrong about what you are feeling, if you don’t know- it’s okay. You are still okay. You don’t have to know and you don’t have to be sure.

I accept you as you are, unsure and not knowing. No punishment for not knowing.

This is what I mean by being gentle with yourself- do not punish yourself for any reason. No matter what- be kind to yourself as if you were still (and in a way, you are) a little girl, afraid, unsure- don’t be mean to her. Take her hand and tell her it is OKAY, that she is okay and that you will keep holding her hand, no matter what. You will never leave her, never punish her.

anita