Dear Anita

I fully understand what you have said to me and it all makes sense. I do have an update thought, 3 days ago unbeknown to me he flew over for one night as he had to be back the following day because he was on duty to come and speak to my mum to prove to her how sorry he was and how stupid he has been. I know on his part it took a lot of guts to do that to face my mum after eveything thats happened.. at least he has shown some effort? We spoke till early hours of the morning, he broke down cyring and said he wants to change and that its not all words anymore, that he is getting help and he has realised what he has done to us. I also said that i too have to change a few things etc.. I spoke to my psychologist and she gave me some good advice and said there is no wrong and no right and you shouldnt pressure yourself anymore. If you decide to go back, do not go back and say ”its going to work or no it may not work and its a risk” that i should take this as an experiment.. that it is all a learning curve, i will learn a lot about myself, learn a lot about him too. If i see it no longer fullfills me despite my effort then i will now be stronger to walk away from it all and that yes despite the pain i know that i can survive without him just fine.

I know despites everyones warnings and concerns i will be going back, i cannot keep thinking what if. I love him so much and from the minute i saw him i relaxed and felt happy again … i havent been this way for 3 weeks.. this must mean something. I dont want to take anymore negativity, i want to go with a positive mind..and hope for the best.

xx I will keep you updated