It has always been the way i’ve seen it.
I could prefer engaging into anything over clubbing. Let alone being there with my loved one..

I found it pointless to teach her manners, or show her that clubs are not necessarily for her.

I did allow her to do whatever she wanted, as long as she kept herself safe, and avoided undesired consequences, which was mostly not the case everytime she went out. And yet, she still did it, so i’ve had enough of it.

I forgot to mention that this friend she had was in a past relation, and struggled to keep it. I gave her some advice and recommended her to be with him if he lost his girlfriend out of kindness to him, and trust in my girlfriend.

She claimed he was such a great guy, went on her first bike ride with him, slept at his place and done a couple of things that seriously disturbed me while i chose to ignore all of it and thought of not paying much attention.
Ultimately, i was the one who have lost his girlfriend, so she has probably been growing something for him all along our relation since i was distant.

When we broke up a year ago, which i’m still suffering from, she has done most of what i hate her for to this day.

While i was struggling to get her back and have her listen to me, she said she won’t be there for the night and inflicted overwhelming pain on me since she knows i could do nothing to prevent it.

“Lol, it was fun”

“We were 1h driving on bikes”

“Sorry gotta go now, have a great night, i won’t be there”

“I love you but you’re not gonna have me back” were things she used to say, without adding the slightest detail or telling me what exactly she’s up to.
I don’t exactly know when she has moved on, and done the act of kissing somewhen else while it was something i craved throughout our relation, but it was somewhen during those nights where i was in pain while she behaved like an absolute bit*h.

She refused to return to me, but she still asked for my presence. She has been with other people and god knows what she’s done or thought of, but it must’ve been enjoyable for her, since she’s done it, and destroyed someone during that process.
Destroying me or, responding to her personal desires that she restrained from as she was in a relation that no longer existed are both evil. The breakup made her get far away from me and jump on all those immoral activities that she knew i didn’t do.
When i got her back, she expressed regret, but if that was the case, was clubbing that essential again? What the fuck kept her from intending those places i find extremely wrong? And we made it so far that what actually happened before no longer seems to matter to her.
I never wish to make her feel regret everytime she sees me, but she might respect some of my insecurities and consider what she’s done.

She still does those things such as “going out now, love you, see you later” and it grow me fucking furious.
As time passed, i noticed that she soon went back to it, and haven’t changed anything. She has not helped me through anything when we got back together, and probably she thought i was too tolerant to actually ignore some things again, just like i did before, which i obviously don’t do. I just feel sick thinking of how dumb i was trying to be kind to others and letting her do her things while that led me to the worst experience till now.
There’s this sweet girlfriend that i absolutely love, and her alter ego that i despise and hold so much against, but i can’t set them apart. I fuse them both and treat her according to what she’s done to me once, without imitating it!