You are not misunderstanding the situation. Because it is what’s happening to me.
You are right, Anita, but there’s something i must mention.
The emotion did not only vanish, it has partially built my character and made me what i am.
Perhaps i treated my girlfriend unfairly, but i seriously doubt it. She’s been happy throughout our relation and i was good to her, until she did what gravely offended me and forced me into visualizing what she’s done with her partner by recalling past memories.
Some situations can’t be dealt with. Each word that gets told will hurt those who are concerned, so i opt to coldness and strip myself out of all emotions so that i don’t feel grief, jealousy, anger or any of the states you have mentioned.
I’m a dominant. And not only i possess but i also deeply cherish. This might sound abusive but it never was, and never will be. I just felt responsible of guiding my previous partner so that i can love her the best way i can additionally to keeping her.
I really am not convinced into feeling this way, and i wished to change but now i believe that this is essential in order to preserve my well being and staying calm, without being vulnerable to anyone.
I was fine with her leading her own life, and spending it the way she wants, believing that nothing would have been able to break us apart. Which was unwise?
All she did was tolerated and i did not mind it the slightest. I was too afraid of imposing myself on her comfort zone, or her choices.
The first time we faced a serious breakup, her lifestyle that i did permit hugely contributed to her decision of moving on. As i have already mentioned, she was already frequenting this classmate before she gets on with him.
Furthermore, both my conduct and affability were perceived as a weakness, so additionally to all she’s done while we were together, she thought it was time to do more. She felt confined while i did nothing to actually prevent her from spending time on her own. I guess it was the basic fundamentals of being in a relation (something i’m so impressed she has) that averted her from behaving in such manners when she was with me.
I moved on when that happened and i was in misery for a few days. I did not understand what has happened and what sort of curse god has inflicted on me by introducing such a manipulative person who craves hurting others only boost her mood into my life.
When all the the fun was over, she came back crying, asking for forgiveness, full of remorse and threatening me of killing herself.
I was forced to let her in, and that made me love more, aswell as feeding my hate for her.
Since then, i was more strict about a few things that i used to disregard.
I thought i was doing that for her well being, but now it was time to prove her true intentions.
Staying out late, speaking of friends, mentioning people who once advised her to stay with that classmate over getting back to me only cause i was viewed as a foreigner and someone they haven’t met while the only person i knew was her, and it was agonizing to see that her friends actually made decisions for her.
We quickly went over the period of hurt, especially for her, and got her back. We’ve been in a couple and everything was running just fine, but some of her desires did not change. All she says is that i must have trust in her, knowing that she had all of it once but have shown that she doesn’t earn it.
I’m just defending myself and i’m not making myself vulnerable to her as much.
She still goes out with a few friends that i know at times, and i’m absolutely fine with it, but whenever she goes out late to intend crowded places with people i know nothing of, where alcohol and dancing are involved, i grow restless and mad.
I have made the rule of 2am. It simply consists of being home before 2 since bad things usually happen after that part of the night, and she still occasionally came against it.
This woman was unable of refraining herself from going to certain places that i had bad feelings about. I end up thinking most of the time, what on earth would she be doing for long hours outside, at someone’s place? Drinking, talking and dancing if not more, and i always wonder why those are so necessary to her while it was proven to be troublesome many times.
Here are some experiences.
She was went on a trip that was destined to her aunt’s place that lives far away from her city. Her cousin was driving and while this was not the first occurrence, she dropped at a cousin’s place, not aunt’s, and i hate when plans change, but well, she does not get to decide, so let’s proceed..
It was getting late and she was still not getting herself ready to sleep, so i wished her good night and fell asleep while i was watching a movie. I got a call from her around 3 in the morning, and there i had the shock of my life.
She was crying. I got terrified and woke up immediately then asked what was up. She took a few minutes before she caught a breath and explained that one of her cousins, the one who owned the place hurted her. So she ran outside and called me, which i’m glad she did.
I comforted her while the situation was desperate.. I was so helpless while i was to beat this guy for touching my girlfriend.
I asked her to contact one of her cousins nearby and move elsewhere to stay overnight. So she went in, locked on herself till they came, and i was there all along, till she got herself on a new bed and slept, at 6. She promised to explain everything on the next day and that she was too tired to talk, so i delayed it.
Next morning, she said nothing, no signs of someone who was willing to confess.. So i asked about the incident. She replied by “there’s not much to tell..” which can’t be the case since she was full of talk last night before she slept. I eventually figured out that she went to the club along with her cousins at night and haven’t told me since i got no texts from her. Why? Because i would have no allowed it. While i was sleeping! As if lying would be solving it also. So i got even more upset on how she got herself in troubles and only then she thought of me.
Similar things happened, like getting a slap from someone who did hit on her while she rejected or when she was forcefully taken elsewhere other than home since she was not the driver.
In short, i was restless with her. I was not peaceful at all and whenever i thought that our relation was progressing, she always had to ruin it.
The way she behaves is out of character, and with every action she comes against my fundamentals. For someone who would have been known as my girlfriend or wife in the eyes of others, i was willing to accept it only at the beginning of our relation, but now it’s no more the case.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 