So I have really been having a tough week, just thinking about dating and making attempts makes me very depressed. I have been very angry with myself, something I have a long history with. I have been having at least two severe crying episodes per day usually before going to sleep and trying to get out of bed. The silver lining is that I somehow have managed to drag my ass out of bed and keep my routine (eating, exercise, classes, hygiene etc.) in the past I would probably have stayed in bed all day without eating as long as possible. I know my life has meaning beyond my own happiness, so I use that keep me going when things get tough as I’m prone to suicidal thoughts, and feeling hopeless.

So in the past week the effort I have made in regards to attempted dating so far has been 1.) setting up an online dating profile, then deleting it as of this morning. 2.) thinking about people i would potentially like to get close to then coming up with reasons for why it wouldn’t work.

It took years of work for me to get the point where I am now, I went from having about 2 friends that i could hang with to now having about 5-6. The thing is they are all male and i continue to notice that i a probably come off very impersonal towards women or quiet out of fear.

Knowing my tendency to clam up around women, I am looking to backtrack quite a bit, and kind of put the goal of getting a date on the backburner, similar to what you guys were suggesting. I am asking for help and some potential measurable goals of interacting with women that could help me break out of this habit. When trying to come up with goals by myself I get overwhelmed which leads to self-hate, then depression. I feel very creepy complimenting women on their looks, or giving them any praise whatsoever, as i feel as if i’m somehow being another superficial man. So if anybody has any simple ideas i could try this week please let me know.