Dear Hannah:

You mentioned your mother’s mother having been overbeating, and as a result your mother tried to not be overbearing. Notice a couple of things:

1. When adult children try to not be like their parent, they most often go to the extreme. This could explain why she kept a distance from you, going to an extreme of overbearing, or over involvement, which is under-involvement.

2. Your mother’s relationship with you, her distance included, not expressing enough love for you, for  one, has to do- not with who you are, not with who her daughter was in her life-

but with who her own mother was.

Your mother’s behavior with you and her last words most likely had everything to do with a relationship she had before you were in her life, and that is the relationship she had with her own mother.

I believe these things I just wrote to you and I hope there is something in it to promote that peace you need.

anita