Hello Mark,

today things went a little better. We were in the kitchen, cooking and there was also another flatmate around. The other flatmate (let’s name her Lisa) talked to me and then the girl (let’s call her Anja) asked a question and I answered it. After Lisa was gone Anja asked about my food, and then we talked about the food, school stuff and upcoming renovations. So that is good, I feel better. I still feel a little awkward, but I hope we will get along o.K.

Hello Anita,

I remember you, thank you for replying again and thanks for the welcome back!

Maybe I didn’t explain everything about the therapist clearly (I didn’t want to write a too long post). The last time we met was in July (maybe June?), then she went on vacation. We were supposed to meet again in August, but she canceled that. Later she called and said that she was sick and canceled all of the remaining appointments. When I called her in September she left me a message saying that she needs to go to rehab because of her injury and that she would get back to me when she recovered. But I haven’t heard from her since then.

She already told me during one of our last meetings that she couldn’t help me any more. She had suggested that I try another form of therapy after this therapy, but later it seemed like she wanted me to start searching for a new therapist immediately. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted another therapy now or if I should take a break from therapy.

I agree with her that therapy had become stagnant. The sessions would be like this: she would ask me: “how do you feel today” and then we would discuss the topic of the day. At the end I think I was talking about the same topics again and again. It turned a bit into a pity party…. I also didn’t meet the goals we had set together. For example, we were working on me structuring my days. The plan was to work for two hours on my uni projects, then have a break and later work two more hours. Later I could expand the hours. It only worked for a few days until I started procrastinating again.

For a time we also tried role plays. I guess it was an attempt of her to turn it more into a behaviour therapy. It usually was more like analytical therapy with me talking a lot about my past, this ex and my problems. I have to admit that I was also afraid to really go out and do things differently. At the beginning I tried more. I tried to speak more in uni, I went to a fair and even helped a professor organize an exhibition for our art class. But about a year ago I got sick for a while. Everything seemed too much and I crawled back into my shell.

What helped me was discussing things with her. I think I was able to understand myself a little better.

It ended a bit unfortunate with her being sick. It didn’t really end at all. Maybe I should have called her again, but with her saying that the therapy wasn’t working and suggesting that I go look for another form of therapy…. I had the fear that maybe she wanted to get rid of me. And there also weren’t many sessions left anyways. So I guess it is over?

About that man. I moved out of this student dormitory in May 2016. After that, it was easier for me to get control of the situation. He talked me into meeting him again some time in May or early June, but after that I didn’t see him anymore (with one exception). He contacted me on facebook, at first I still responded, but then I blocked him. He made new accounts, but I blocked him. In September 2016 he wrote me and then he stopped for almost a year. I thought it was over. But last July he sent me a new message on a new account (saying that he missed me and wanted to be just friends on facebook and that he only wanted to know how I was doing). I didn’t respond and blocked him after a few days. And then in September I accidently met him at the train station. He was persistent as always and didn’t want to let me go. I walked away, but he came along and we more or less talked for a while. Maybe I didn’t handle the situation best, but at least I said I wouldn’t unblock his facebook accounts when he asked me to and then went home. The last time he wrote me was early January, but I immediately blocked him. Now I have him blocked 8 times on facebook (but he deleted his last account, so maybe it’s over now?).

The crazy thing is that I still feel attached to him and even miss him somehow? Some part of me actually wants to respond to him, but I think it would lead to nothing positive.

And about my parents. I don’t live with them, they live quite far away. But they financially support me. That is something I want to change.

I moved into another student dormitory and have my own room, but  a shared kitchen and bathroom.Everything is okay with privacy here. I can go into my room if I want to be by myself.

Sorry if that post turned out too long!

Lily