Hello Anita

Yes i see a lot of your posts here, tid bits here and there about your childhood and things you have gone through, i guess i need to read more to truly know who you are as at the moment i still feel i dont know you well enough to put a trait to you. What i know is that your genuine, straight to the point, a deep thinker, stern but nice and caring. I hope i got some of these right? 🙂

You opened up a very good question here and i really liked it. do we honestly know who people are? Some can say that they do and some people can say that they dont. I have been with my partner for 3 going on 4 years now, i know all those basic surface things. i;e his voice, his touch, his favourite colour, his favourite foods etc..Living with him and trying to get to know him as much as possible, as it isn’t the easiest when people aren’t an open book. I know what makes him happy; When we are out doing things together ( shopping, going for a coffee), when we go to the gym and train together, hes happy when hes a cooking a lovely meal for us, hes happy when he buys me things and cant wait till i come home to try things on, hes happy when i am confident with my self, not only inner confidence but also confident with my body and my face ( which isnt all that often) , hes happy when his son comes round and he see’s us all together as a family, When he decides that he wants to call his parents ( unfortunately not often) he is so happy after that phone call, there is many more. I also know underneath his macho exterior hes kind and caring, ive seen him when he tries to save little birds that have got caught in the green house. or to the little hedgehogs that come into our yard. When i am ill he will come and look after me with such tenderness and kindness. Again under his macho exterior he is also emotional, he suppresses all of these emotions i think also because hes a man and because of his childhood, i have seen him cry a few times regarding us and his son. He does however have a horrible side to him as i think we all do, hes very impatient, likes things his way and only his way, hes controlling, manipulative, jealous and can sometimes be a little insensitive to others needs. Sometimes i feel he would rather hurt someone than get hurt by others again. He carries so much emotional baggage from the past, and i wish he would make that step to sort his head out for his sake and everyone around him. Ive told him to go counselling as its free for him where he works and he wont go.. i just wish there is a way i can show him that its not a bad thing to go and seek help and that it will help him so much in the long run.

Despite humans flaws, we tend to overlook them and try to weigh out the good and bad, and like i know myself when the bad outweigh the good, its time to leave. Seems like ive unpacked and not leaving and i hope my stubbornness will in the end go towards my favour, if not..well i guess i will have learnt a MASSIVE lesson.

Blessings