I don’t think you can fix this. You’re a reasonable person willing to take a look at himself and make adjustments as needed, but she isn’t capable of that if she’s a narcissist. They don’t have the ego strength to do that. They’ll blame others, lie, project onto others, anything but take an honest look at themselves. And what can you do at that point. If she doesn’t take any responsibility for her actions she won’t ever change, and it doesn’t matter how perfect you make yourself. She has a very profound personality disorder. It’s not the same as when you have two normal people who annoy each other at times or have some misunderstandings, or deep seated fears, or something of that nature.

Imagine if you had two people going to marriage counseling. Person A doesn’t manage his time well and is often late, which causes problems at times. Person B is a paranoid schizophrenic with homicidal tendencies. It doesn’t matter how hard Person A tries to work on his time management skills.