Forum Replies Created
March 3, 2018 at 7:41 am #195799
Here in my country some years ago there was a news story about a young woman who had had a serious accident which resulted in brain damage to where she was in a vegetative state. There was no hope for recovery. She couldn’t do anything but lie in bed staring. After years of this, her husband wanted to shut off the machines that kept her alive, but her parents fought him in the courts to keep her alive. To him there was no point in keeping her alive, but to her parents she was infinitely valuable and they did everything in their power to save her, not because she could achieve anything, because she couldn’t even eat or care for herself, and I’m not sure she could even breathe on her own, I don’t remember all the details. But to her parents she was precious regardless of what she could achieve, because she was their daughter.
I have 4 children, and I understand that. Sometimes my children fail, sometimes they succeed. Sometimes they win something, sometimes they lose. But their worth to me doesn’t depend on their achievements. I’d give my life for them in a heartbeat, no question, but it’s not because they got an A or they won the race, it’s because they’re my children.
We have a God who created us as His children, and He never says, “and make sure you get an A, and make sure you get first place”. He says “love the Lord with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself”. Christianity teaches that He gave His son to die to pay for our sins because He knew we would fail, and that was the price to redeem us, but we were worth it to Him. Not because we got good grades, but because we are His children.
Every person is valuable, no matter what they achieve or don’t achieve!March 2, 2018 at 5:13 pm #195725
I don’t think you can fix this. You’re a reasonable person willing to take a look at himself and make adjustments as needed, but she isn’t capable of that if she’s a narcissist. They don’t have the ego strength to do that. They’ll blame others, lie, project onto others, anything but take an honest look at themselves. And what can you do at that point. If she doesn’t take any responsibility for her actions she won’t ever change, and it doesn’t matter how perfect you make yourself. She has a very profound personality disorder. It’s not the same as when you have two normal people who annoy each other at times or have some misunderstandings, or deep seated fears, or something of that nature.
Imagine if you had two people going to marriage counseling. Person A doesn’t manage his time well and is often late, which causes problems at times. Person B is a paranoid schizophrenic with homicidal tendencies. It doesn’t matter how hard Person A tries to work on his time management skills.March 1, 2018 at 5:54 pm #195555March 1, 2018 at 5:39 pm #195553
Mike, I was married to a person like this for years. Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People think narcissists are just people who like to look in the mirror all the time, but there’s so much more to it than that. They are toxic people who do a great deal of damage to those around them. Read about it. I’ll try to find an article to post.
Best wishes to you!February 11, 2018 at 1:27 pm #191925
Last night I was ruminating about my own life and wondering why I keep finding myself in difficult situations. I started googling some things and stumbled on a little booklet called “As a man thinketh” by James Allen. It’s about how our thoughts can shape so much in our life. I never read the Power of Positive Thinking or The Secret or any of those type of books, but I’m guessing they are similar. It’s a short book of maybe 20 pages and free to download on Amazon. Maybe it will help!
KarenFebruary 1, 2018 at 6:25 pm #190223
I get what you’re saying. These are valid questions many of us have had. It’s hard to reconcile a good God with the adversity and disappointment we see in the world and in our own lives. Did you ever pour out your heart to God and just have it out with Him? He’s not afraid of our anger and doubts and questions.
I remember feeling the same way some years ago when one of my sons was diagnosed with cancer at age 4. After weeks and months of sitting in a pediatric oncology ward and seeing all the kids with cancer, some recovering, some dying, all of them suffering, I could have written a letter much like you wrote above. But I just seethed inside. I never said anything to anyone. Then one night I had it out with him. I just let Him have it and left it there. To cut a long story short I felt He gave me a different perspective, and comfort, and renewed courage to go on, and we got through that time.
I think our problem is that we want heaven here on earth, and this sin-cursed world will never be heaven. No matter what your religion we all experience pain, difficulties and suffering. Jesus said, “I tell you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world”. He knows there will be trouble and problems and suffering. Yet we long for more, for a better place, for justice, love, peace, goodness.
Jonathan Cahn in The Book of Mysteries writes, “When we came into this world, we entered it with a longing. We longed for milk. We had no idea what milk was. We had never tasted it. We had never seen it. Nobody ever told us that it existed. And yet the longing for milk was there inside our being before we ever had any assurance that it existed. And it turned out it did exist. What we longed for we only knew from the hunger deep inside our being. Our longing for milk passes away, but we find another longing within our hearts, another emptiness, but deeper, a longing for that which the world never answers. We long for the perfect, for a perfect love, a perfect happiness, a perfect peace. We long for that which doesn’t fail, never disappoints us, or grows old. But the world can never answer those longings and they stay with us all our lives. We long for them even though we’ve never tasted them. And our very longings bear witness that what we have never seen or tasted is real. We long for a perfect love because there is a Perfect Love. We long for the Eternal because the Eternal exists and put that longing into our hearts so we would seek Him..and find Him.” But if we look for the heavenly on earth, we’ll surely be disappointed.
Best wishes to you!January 28, 2018 at 5:25 am #189391
Eliana, did you ever try a gluten free diet? I know it sounds like a trendy thing for Hollywood stars, but really, gluten is a very gummy and difficult to digest protein, and many people feel much better avoiding it. Food intolerances are difficult for doctors to diagnose, and I’ve heard of people going years as undiagnosed celiacs. It’s worth a try! And happy belated birthday to you!
KarenJanuary 27, 2018 at 7:32 pm #189351
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Definitely you should do everything you can to move away from your sister. Do you have a job, or can you get one? If you can save up money to fix your car and get a place for yourself, that would be a step in the right direction, and you’d be around more normal people for a large part of the day.
It can’t hurt to pray about the situation if you believe in God. “For the Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves such as are crushed in spirit.”
Things will get better. You’ll get through this and come out all the stronger for it.
KarenApril 25, 2017 at 5:35 pm #146721
There’s a Creator who made you and who knows you and everything about you, whom you can spill everything to, and who has power to help and to change you. Are you evil? Yeah, you and everyone else on the planet. None of us gets this thing right, we’re all stumbling along trying to figure things out. People have hurt you, you’ve hurt people, and that’s how it goes in this confused world. But when things don’t go right with something, it’s wise to ask the Manufacturer, and read the manual. There’s help, there’s healing, there’s power to change available to anyone who will go to Him and ask. I did, and He helped me and changed me.
And I hate that your name here is Nobody. You should change it to Awesome, Unique, Valuable Creation of God, because that’s exactly what you are.April 20, 2017 at 6:11 pm #146103
Lis, google “narcissistic personality disorder”. This guy sounds like a textbook case. People with this problem hurt everyone around them. You can’t stay with this guy, look what he’s done to you already, and it only gets worse. You deserve so much better. There’s a better future waiting for you!April 15, 2017 at 6:08 pm #145291
It’s so sad to hear you say this, because each person has incredible worth and value as a unique creation with their own talents and skills to offer. Look at the flowers, there isn’t just one flower, there are many different kinds and varieties and colors, and each one is beautiful, from the tall sunflowers to the tiny crocus, and who’s to say which one is the most beautiful, they all are. Beauty standards change from culture to culture and time period to time period anyway. Your worth doesn’t rest on how you look but on the fact that you’re an amazing creation of God, with a unique path and set of talents.April 15, 2017 at 3:42 pm #145281
I used to be Catholic too, but when I actually read the Bible, I found that many of the things they teach aren’t in the Bible or taught by Jesus. It basically says that “the spirit returns to God who gave it” and then at the end of the world there will be a Judgement Day. Since we are all sinners and no one can really stand before a holy God, we would be in some deep doodoo were it not for Jesus, who paid for our sins for us by his death on the cross. He is our “get out of hell free” card, if we believe. It’s like coming before a judge and having him examine us, pronounce a death penalty for our sins, but then send his son to the electric chair in our place. We are free to enter heaven not because we were good, or did whatever special things, but because it’s been paid for already. This is what I believe the Bible teaches.