Hi Talia:

Is there any particular reason that I would be subconsciously looking for a dad and not a mom even though I mostly had issues with my mom?

Its complicated

Jung suggested that a part of becoming – individuation process – involves coming to terms with mother and father complex. Which is not about blaming our parents but the process of learning how to nurture and protect ourselves by connecting to our own inner mother and father archetype/energy/ideal…

The problem is that we relate to and confuse both the archetype of mother and father as well as our experience of our mother and father (for the positive and negative).

The mother archetype in general terms representing the ways in which we nurture ourselves while the father archetype how we discipline and protect ourselves. The tendency is to confuse, project, and mix up the archetype/ideal with our parents and it becomes, well, complex.

As we move into adulthood the task is to pull back our projections and in doing so take responsibility for parenting ourselves. The goal is connecting to our inner “mother” and “father” in a way that opens us to being able to love ourselves unconditionally and disciplining ourselves.

The process is complex as it involves becoming conscious/mindful of what we mean by, and how we relate to and apply to ourselves, concepts such as unconditional love, nurture, discipline, responsibility, accountability, forgiveness…. All of which have been influenced and sometimes corrupted by our experiences… all of which impact our ability to nurture and protect ourselves (forgive us our errors as we forgive others – as above so below as below so above – how we relate to ourselves is connected to how we relate to others)

Anyway, when you being to see your parents, partners, friends.. as individuals, flawed, with hopes of dreams of there own, doing their best as they encounter their complex’s… perhaps not good enough, they remain accountable however its not about blame. Blame only attaches us to the experience that hurt us.  The goal is detachment, which is different then indifference and becoming cold, is that is allows us space to view the experience, fully feel what we feel, without becoming what we feel, create healthy boundary’s, and learn what we can so that we might grow.