Hello anita,

there are a lot of things I would like to change about myself, but the most important thing is being financially independent. It really affects my confidence that I don’t have a job and career at my age. Becoming more confident is also a goal. All is connected to failing at my career…

Some things I would like to change:

– becoming financially independent

– becoming more confident

– exercising more

– instead of wasting my time online, go outside more, meet with friends, have some memorable experiences

– one day I would also like to be in a relationship, but this one seems just impossible for me and I have basically given up on that. So I should better focus on my “career” and the small things in life

To become financially independent, the first step would be to find a part time job. I have problems with writing the application. I think I can write a decent one, but most of the time I feel unqualified. In the past, I got jobs through friends or I wrote the application under pressure of the employment bureau. Once I have a job, I usually do a good or okay job (of course I don’t apply for complicated jobs).

I’m studying illustration and it’s hard to make money with that. I think I have enough talent, but I lack self-discipline and entrepreneurship. I should build a website, publish a book, visit fairs and so on… So far I haven’t taken it serious enough, haven’t taken myself serious enough. But there are definately things I could do. For example, I always wanted to start a blog and I already have some ideas for it. Then that maybe could also help me with my career.

To exercise more, I could sign up for the sports classes at uni, as they are pretty cheap. One friend also wants to do courses this semester, maybe we could do that together. In the past I went running with another friend regularly and it helped to have an appointment with someone, as of course I didn’t want to let her down.

I think if I had a job and went outside more I would automatically feel more confident and better about myself.

But there is also one part in me that just doesn’t care, that wants to destroy myself. And then I think: “if only I didn’t wake up tomorrow” or “nothing matters” or “I want to destroy all my sketchbooks (especially the nicest one, that I worked so hard for)”. I think I have to change my attitude. maybe I should write a gratitude journal or journal in general to release my thoughts. In theory I have a lot of ideas, but putting them into practice is the big problem. And sticking with it. I guess I have to try again and again…

Hello Peter,

thank you too for your reply. The article you linked was definitely interesting. I think I have to accept my past and let it be. Instead of endlessly feeling ashamed about it. It doesn’t help at all to do that. I know I should focus on the now, and the things I can change now.

The therapy I was in was behaviour therapy (I’m not sure if it is the right word in English). At the beginning of therapy you figure out the problems together with the therapist. Then you set goals you want to work on. Then you implement the things you discussed in therapy in your daily life. For example, if you have social anxiety your therapist could give you the task to speak out more in class instead of always holding back. And then you discuss the results at the next therapy session.

But I felt like it wasn’t like a real behaviour therapy. We were discussing my past and then got a little lost there a lot of times (especially towards the end).

A life coach is surely helpful, but I can’t afford it at the moment (it’s not covered by health insurance I think). I think I need to set small tasks for myself and not do too much at once.

Anyways, thank you both a lot for your help!

Lily