Dear Anita,

I thought about your quote: We live way better  lives if we understand how the brain  works and… work with it

my whole plane ride back.  How straightforward and simple.  Simplicity is Sanity.

This to me reads as: if we go along with the way things are in nature and biologically (such as the baseline way the brain functions), we do not RESIST life so much, we accept and go forward with it.  I see this as a new concept.  In fact many individuals try to preach the “go with the flow” attitude, which at times is not necessarily the right school of thought.  On the contrary, if we understand the way the brain works – and work with it…it makes much more sense.

In your example above, based on my experience, my brain works based on ingrained neuropathways from extensive long term experiences with someone.  This is how the brain works.  It is science, it is reality.  So if I try to fight that and resist it, I will suffer.  I will not accept, I will push boundaries and limits, just to come back to the same suffering.

However, if I accept the way the brain works, and the consequences of such, and adapt my current views and expectations, I will suffer less.  This approach will take more effort at the forefront in: adjustment, awareness, and modification of tasks and behaviors, but overall – the energy utilized (drained) will be less given that there is less suffering.

This is quite clear to me now based on the sister example.  Now, having the knowledge that I do based on this conversation and previous posts, I accept that the reality of the current relationship between my sister and I is a certain way.  I do not feel that it is a shame, or unfortunate – I see it as the way the brain works.  Thus, I am able to see it and accept it as reality.

Prior, I would have wanted to utilize all my effort to deny such, and push the limit to prove that it wasn’t this way.  This leads to disappointment, aggravation, and pain for all involved parties.

Now, I have the knowledge and experience to be more cautions, to be more careful  Increased caution and care in the beginning can prevent distress down the line.

Similar to when I prepare a patient for surgery, when they are optimized prior to the procedure, the surgery is less tumultuous and the outcome is usually more pleasant.  This is pre-operative optimization.  I can utilize a similar technique in my life.  Think and be cautious prior to acting.  Question whether the subsequent conversation or interaction will be beneficial, healthy, or detrimental.  I allow myself the space to do so.  I will not rush myself to conclusions (thus deleting the space for preparation and careful thinking).  This will be a new priority of mine.