Good morning Anita,

I hope you are having a good week so far.

I like what you wrote: “I found that once I walked long enough on what I call the healing path, I went too far to be able to go back to the old and habitual.”

I can understand this.  I have not walked on the path long enough just yet, but even the progress I have made thus far, makes me see this.  I find myself thinking this way when I hear something of the “old way.”  I don’t feel “better” than it, it is more like I have transcended it in some way.  Or more simply put, it no longer has meaning to me.

I have a friend from college who is one of my best friends who was complaining about a girl (who I used to be close to years ago).  The things she says this girl does are so ridiculous and immature to me.  I know that even a year ago it would have angered me.  Not because it was personal to ME, but just the concept that human beings can act that way and think it is okay and “get away” with it.

I now see that first: no one is getting away with anything.  It is just the life that someone like her chooses, to be selfish and full of drama.  Good for her.  What you put out in the world you get back.  Second, I just don’t care.  Great – she acted insane.  Great- she did this. Who cares! She has no meaning to me.

I recall having so much trouble “not caring.” It was one of those things that people said often to convince themselves. “Oh I don’t care.  Oh whatever.” I feel the more one says this to themself over and over, the more they are trying to convince themself.  Like my quote earlier, often individuals need to be heard out loud by others, when they do not hear their own self clear enough.

It was so much effort! To not care, or to pretend to not care.  It is so much effort for everyone.  Yet, now – it is seamless to not care about things that are truly not worth caring about (such as peripheral individuals, or inconsequential items).  I find that I do not TRY to do this, it just is.  It’s like I just can’t be bothered.  I also find that I am better at changing the subject when it contains something that is not “worth it.” For example, I let my friend vent of course, and then shortly after said “so anyway, how was your weekend otherwise.”

I finally learned how to “nip it.” Turn the conversation elsewhere.  Make it known that the previous gossip/talk about someone who is not a good person/unnecessary drama is just not worth the short time we have for a conversation.  I recall years ago having a conversation with an older friend and she had done this quite a few times in the conversation.  I recall it distinctly, and after I got off the phone – I remember thinking wow she definitely wanted to direct the conversation a certain way – I wasn’t offended, I found it pretty mature! It does feel good to be the person doing it now.  Not to say I will always do it, and not to say that I don’t need to be led on the right track from time to time.  I sure do.  But the point is, it is nice to see from the outside the utility in truly only engaging in what serves you in a positive way (to the best of your ability that you can choose and control).

I also find that this tactic allows for more space for your mind to focus on what is good.  When we are inundated with so much distraction about this person and that, and a lot of nonsense — our neuropathways are saturated.  There is hardly any energy or space in the mind for our mind to then wander to something good or positive.  It is almost like a roadblock. We can’t blame our mind at that point – we saturated it.  The mind does not have the ability to give more at this point…