Dearest Sandy1,

You are not alone.

I am by no means a trained counsellor, but I can tell you some advice of my own.

It is very normal for people to be stuck in their past, especially when they want to change something that they have done in the past but are unable to do so. By dwelling in the past, they hope that they are able to make a change such that their future will be different, but what they are doing is actually the opposite.

I experienced this first-hand.

There was also a period of time where I was unable to get out of my head and I kept repeating a bullying incident in my life numerous times for a few months. It was horrible, and I felt that I was in an emotional wreck every day.

However, I learnt that life is imperfect and that we all have different experiences that shape us into who we are today. What we all went through is unique to ourselves, and it is what makes us special.

Only from crises do we learn and grow, and what we can do is to stop overthinking about the past and the future, and just focus on the present. Although it sounds easy, it might not be as simple executing it. This is because our human brain is hard-wired to keep thinking, and these thoughts will be in a self-entertaining loop unless boundaries are set.

What has happened has already happened, and we can do nothing to change it.

What has yet to happen has not happened, and we have no control over it as well.

The only thing we can do is to live in the moment, laugh when it’s funny, cry when it’s unbearable. It is all part and parcel of life. Although some parts of our history are emotionally scarring, they are there to serve a purpose. These memories are there to teach us something, and slowly but surely, we are becoming stronger humans.

You can do it. You might not think you can, but you are able to pull through this like you have once before.

Stay wonderful and brave.

Cheers,

Jun