Hi Haley,

Yes, I understand very well. What your mother did in a way of her Alcoholic behavior was made you feel insignificant, like you were not special, or did not matter..or have a place of belonging. This brings along in our adult relationships when we are left crippling anxiety..because again..we feel the same pain as children. When your ex “texted” you, it made you feel you did not matter, not special enough to be broken up with in person..so you are trying to get the answers from your ex, that you actually wanted from your mother.

Why didn’t you come and pick me up from my friends?” Why did you give me inconsistent messages (like your ex seeming so caring at first, than suddenly becoming so cold) much like our authority figures. Then you were just “left alone” in front of a TV..much like I was, but I was locked in a bathroom…or when I would reach out to my Mom..she would at first reach out..change her mind, and say “go away, and run along now”. So, when I perceive the slightest hint of perceived rejection from a boyfriend, I will give him the silent treatment, or passive aggressive, or do anything for him not to “leave me”. Even if the relationship is a toxic one. It’s all anxiety related stemming from childhood, and I continue to stay in Psychotherapy from the severe trauma endured. I have my times of very healthy relationships when I stay in therapy, but when I am not in therapy, I go back to my poor coping skills and defense mechanisms I had as a child that No longer work for me. I have also had to read several self-help books on this issue, that has really shed some light on my behaviors with loved ones. I continue to heal and stay in therapy and use my experiences to help others. Which is why I open up alot about my childhood, as I feel it can be of benefit to others. x