Anita,

It was just the way that he would speak to me sometimes. He was cold and rude and hurtful when he wanted to be. He was a self-proclaimed asshole. All my friends and mother would say that the things he said to me sometimes were awful but because I was so into him, I ignored it.

I think I should’ve stuck my ground more. Whenever I would bring up a problem I was having with out relationship, he would either explain it away and make me feel like I was being silly for bringing it up even though it was a valid concern. Or he would get really angry and shut down which made me feel shitty and would usually lead to me reaching out and apologizing even when I had nothing to apologize for. I think I would have walked away sooner if I could go back. I think that part of me liked the drama in some weird twisted way. I don’t know. I don’t know why I stuck around for so long.

I’m a little confused why he would continue a relationship with me if my lifestyle bothered him so much. I feel like he should’ve walked away sooner instead continuing a relationship with he that he saw no future in. I think I’m just confused because he told his friends about me and spoke about me often from what he told me but never wanted to make it official. Then he meets a girl and is completely willing to be in a relationship with her so quickly but strung me along for 7 months. It feels like I was a cushion until he found someone that he actually saw a future with. Its confusing because just a couple weeks before he was telling me that he has a big heart for me, loved me, and was so lucky to have me. I understand that it was maybe my lifestyle that was preventing him from making it official but if he told his friends about me, why was it such a jump to just put a label on it. Maybe he was embarrassed about the age thing? But then it goes back to, why even pursue anything with me if age was such a problem.

Cass