Well during valentines day I asked him if we were going to do anything and he asked if we could do it another day because he hates celebrating valentines day and I told him that was fine as long as he actually planned something and went through with it (he had a problem of cancelling our plans). Well he got really angry and went off on me telling me that I was making him feel sh*tty after he had a great training session and that I dont f*cking understand and that I should go find some other f*cking dude and that he was f*cking done. There were many more f*cks said in the messages. He also said not to even bother responding because he was f*cking done. I still responded and he didnt reply. I think texted him the next day trying to fix it as usual but he did not respond again. We didnt speak after that and then 3 days later, he responded to something I posted on my snapchat story as if nothing happened. No apology, nothing. That was one of the times we ended because I told him I couldn’t do it anymore then ended up getting back together a week later because I missed him and I just felt really attached to him.

I tried to walk away many times, hence the on and off part of the relationship. It was mostly me who ended it. I just really felt like I loved him and I still feel that way which is making it hard to move on. I never told him I loved him and sometimes I wish I did because I really think that people shouldn’t be scared to say things like that but I was. I was scared he would hurt me and he did.

I wish there were a way I could get answers because these questions just cycle through my head over and over everyday constantly. But I also know it would probably just hurt me more to reach out to him.

Anita,

Well the reason I had suspicions was because while we were still talking, there was a picture posted and he was out with her at one of her friends birthday lunches. I didn’t give it much thought at the time but found it odd after. But you’re right, I just have my suspicions.

Yeah she knows everything. I think she’s a little done hearing me talk about it, as are all my friends and probably you haha. It just helps me process things to talk about them until I can’t anymore. She thinks he’s an asshole but she’s my mother so of course she does. She’s always told me that I forgave him too easily when we were together and should’ve stuck up for myself more.

Cass

Anita,

Yes, this makes sense. Just a little hard to accept but I suppose more break ups are. I have suspicions that he cheated on me, and it makes me wonder why he would do that when he was so worried I would do it to him. Seems a bit unfair that he expected me not to cheat on him (which i never would) but then goes to cheat on me.

Cass

Anita,

Actually this was over a span of 7 months. Im currently 19, we met when I was 18. When I say immature, I mean the way he would handle complications with us. Instead of working it out, he would go completely silent and wait for me to text him or reach out to them. He would often blow up on me when he was stressed and would then go on to ignore me for days after. One time, I was at a friends house until 4am and texted him when i got home because he wanted me to communicate more and he got very angry at me for getting home so late and we argued about it for 3 days. He would do things that would make me angry, just to get a reaction like deleting my comments on his pictures when he got upset with me. It was hard to bring up more serious topics with him because I didn’t know how he would react or he would just ignore what I was trying to ask him. The list of things are endless. He was very hot and cold. One second he was telling me that I was perfect and too good for him and the next we was upset over something I said or did. There were obviously things I would’ve done better as well. He wasn’t all bad but definitely had some toxic qualities. Sometimes I think that maybe I just made him insecure by being younger, in college, and in his eyes “out of his league” and it brought out the worst in him. I don’t know. Seems like the most toxic relationships are the hardest to move on from sometimes.

As for my parents, I don’t feel like i’ve ever been worried that I would be rejected by my mother but what you wrote makes a lot of sense too. Maybe because I don’t like many of the qualities my father posesses that I also have, I feel like someone else wont like that about me either which makes me feel inadequate, rejectable, and easily dismissed.

Cass

Also, thank you so much for listening to me vent and complain about a guy and giving me advice. I genuinely appreciate you taking time out of your day to write back to me.

I don’t know everything that has gone on between my parents as they don’t really speak to me about it. From things my mother has said, I think she regrets marrying someone much older than her (12 year age difference). He doesn’t have the same energy level as her and has a tendency to complain about doing anything and would rather just stay home on his computer. She has said somethings that make me believe that she has fallen out of love with him. When we talk about guys, she always says to not marry someone older and someone who has a jealous personality so I think she resents these qualities in my father. She doesn’t seem interested in doing anything with him anymore and would rather spend time on her own or with me. I don’t think they really talk much. My father is the kind of person that talks at you rather than to you which causes her to just stay quiet. This is also a reason why me and him don’t get along. I can’t stand when hes rude to me or my mother so I call him out on it. He has a big ego and gets offended easily which leads to many arguments as well.

Its weird because I always told myself I would never date anyone like my father but the more I think about his personality, the more I realize how similar he is to my ex.

My mom and I are actually very close. We are probably closer than most mothers and daughters. I tell my mom literally everything about my life. My father and i often argue. I typically avoid speaking to him because it just leads to arguments. He is a very jealous person and my mom has mentioned that he sometimes feels jealous of mine and hers relationship since we are very close. Perhaps I gravitate toward men like my father? I don’t know. There are some similarities between my ‘ex’ and my father.

On another note.. I looked at my ‘exes’ social media tonight. I knew I shouldn’t have but I did anyways and of course, I just feel hurt. I want answers that I know I’ll never get. He just looks so happy with her and I don’t know how to accept that. I know this ties into my feelings of feeling inadequate and I know I need to overcome that somehow. Even while we were talking, I knew that it would never work in the long run so I know it is unfair to completely blame him for ‘leading’ me on but I think I just feel rejected which is making this all harder. I want to move on and feel better. Its been two months and hes obviously moved on, why can’t I?