Anita,

Yes, he withdrew. Instead of eating dinner with us, he would play games on his computer or watch movies on his own. It became harder and harder to connect with him. My mother says that we’re so similar that we just clash and I can see that being true. My mom also took over raising me. She was the one I would go to for anything; to ask for permission to do anything, for advice, etc. He just seemed more interested in being on his computer than spending time with us. When we would speak, it would just turn into an argument. He is very sensitive and has a temper so he was hard to talk to about anything. I feel like even today I kind of resent him for that. He complains that I never really speak to him but I feel like thats his fault, not mine. He wasn’t really there for me growing up and now I feel like theres no connection between us so I don’t really know what to talk to him about.

Cass

My mom and I are actually very close. We are probably closer than most mothers and daughters. I tell my mom literally everything about my life. My father and i often argue. I typically avoid speaking to him because it just leads to arguments. He is a very jealous person and my mom has mentioned that he sometimes feels jealous of mine and hers relationship since we are very close. Perhaps I gravitate toward men like my father? I don’t know. There are some similarities between my ‘ex’ and my father.

On another note.. I looked at my ‘exes’ social media tonight. I knew I shouldn’t have but I did anyways and of course, I just feel hurt. I want answers that I know I’ll never get. He just looks so happy with her and I don’t know how to accept that. I know this ties into my feelings of feeling inadequate and I know I need to overcome that somehow. Even while we were talking, I knew that it would never work in the long run so I know it is unfair to completely blame him for ‘leading’ me on but I think I just feel rejected which is making this all harder. I want to move on and feel better. Its been two months and hes obviously moved on, why can’t I?

Anita,

yeah thats true. I think it also just hurt seeing his friends comment things like ‘he looks happier than I’ve seen him in a long time’. It makes me think about what she might have that I don’t which goes back to me feeling inadequate.

I tried to move on and I was seeing someone briefly but still couldn’t move past my feelings about the end of my last relationship.

Yes, I think that he is jealous that I am closer to my mother than him. He is also jealous that my mother is closer to me than she is to him. I don’t think my mother feels close to him or really feels in love with him anymore. He would probably like it if I spoke to him more but I don’t really enjoy speaking to him and often run out of things to say.

I don’t know everything that has gone on between my parents as they don’t really speak to me about it. From things my mother has said, I think she regrets marrying someone much older than her (12 year age difference). He doesn’t have the same energy level as her and has a tendency to complain about doing anything and would rather just stay home on his computer. She has said somethings that make me believe that she has fallen out of love with him. When we talk about guys, she always says to not marry someone older and someone who has a jealous personality so I think she resents these qualities in my father. She doesn’t seem interested in doing anything with him anymore and would rather spend time on her own or with me. I don’t think they really talk much. My father is the kind of person that talks at you rather than to you which causes her to just stay quiet. This is also a reason why me and him don’t get along. I can’t stand when hes rude to me or my mother so I call him out on it. He has a big ego and gets offended easily which leads to many arguments as well.

Its weird because I always told myself I would never date anyone like my father but the more I think about his personality, the more I realize how similar he is to my ex.

I never really had a problem with the age difference. It was mostly a problem with him. He would always make comments about me being younger than him and how I’m a ‘kid’. He once made a comment that he thought his friends would think it was weird that I was 7 years younger than him but he said that they didn’t mind when he told them. Once while we were talking, he said that I should experience college and grow them come back to him. He was just always really insecure about the age difference.

Anita,

Actually this was over a span of 7 months. Im currently 19, we met when I was 18. When I say immature, I mean the way he would handle complications with us. Instead of working it out, he would go completely silent and wait for me to text him or reach out to them. He would often blow up on me when he was stressed and would then go on to ignore me for days after. One time, I was at a friends house until 4am and texted him when i got home because he wanted me to communicate more and he got very angry at me for getting home so late and we argued about it for 3 days. He would do things that would make me angry, just to get a reaction like deleting my comments on his pictures when he got upset with me. It was hard to bring up more serious topics with him because I didn’t know how he would react or he would just ignore what I was trying to ask him. The list of things are endless. He was very hot and cold. One second he was telling me that I was perfect and too good for him and the next we was upset over something I said or did. There were obviously things I would’ve done better as well. He wasn’t all bad but definitely had some toxic qualities. Sometimes I think that maybe I just made him insecure by being younger, in college, and in his eyes “out of his league” and it brought out the worst in him. I don’t know. Seems like the most toxic relationships are the hardest to move on from sometimes.

As for my parents, I don’t feel like i’ve ever been worried that I would be rejected by my mother but what you wrote makes a lot of sense too. Maybe because I don’t like many of the qualities my father posesses that I also have, I feel like someone else wont like that about me either which makes me feel inadequate, rejectable, and easily dismissed.

Cass