Well during valentines day I asked him if we were going to do anything and he asked if we could do it another day because he hates celebrating valentines day and I told him that was fine as long as he actually planned something and went through with it (he had a problem of cancelling our plans). Well he got really angry and went off on me telling me that I was making him feel sh*tty after he had a great training session and that I dont f*cking understand and that I should go find some other f*cking dude and that he was f*cking done. There were many more f*cks said in the messages. He also said not to even bother responding because he was f*cking done. I still responded and he didnt reply. I think texted him the next day trying to fix it as usual but he did not respond again. We didnt speak after that and then 3 days later, he responded to something I posted on my snapchat story as if nothing happened. No apology, nothing. That was one of the times we ended because I told him I couldn’t do it anymore then ended up getting back together a week later because I missed him and I just felt really attached to him.

I tried to walk away many times, hence the on and off part of the relationship. It was mostly me who ended it. I just really felt like I loved him and I still feel that way which is making it hard to move on. I never told him I loved him and sometimes I wish I did because I really think that people shouldn’t be scared to say things like that but I was. I was scared he would hurt me and he did.

I wish there were a way I could get answers because these questions just cycle through my head over and over everyday constantly. But I also know it would probably just hurt me more to reach out to him.