Dear Tom:

You wrote earlier: “I don’t like games, if I like someone I like them and if I don’t I would tell them so everyone knows where I stand”- this is what you need from her so to reduce your anxiety.

Problem is we get so anxious that the amount of reassurance and comforting we need from a partner can be overwhelming to the partner and harm the relationship, bringing about the exact thing the person fears-the ending of a relationship.

It is possible though to bring this issue up in a conversation and agree on a way to get that information you so desperately need (where you stand with her) without it being overwhelming to her. The two of you, in theory (and I hope in practice, some day soon) can agree on a particular communication (phone, text, email) every day, a particular time perhaps when the two of you check with each other, tell the other what is going on and how one feels about the other.

It is a matter of moderation and balance, to do so in a way that is casual enough (so not to be overwhelming to her) yet helpful to you.

anita