I suppose your right. Maybe I should just get on with my life and forget about her.  Well, For now.

I think that her texting me like she did brought New hope in my heart and it’s hard to let it go.

I know a lot of you said if she did want something that she would contact me or at least keep in touch more. It is hard though. I have realized I go through a circle. First I think forget her. It wasn’t meant to be. Then I think I should embrace what I could have with someone here that wants to give me everything and that if I can just let go of the past I will enjoy and love that person with all of me. Then I think that nobody can ever make me feel what my ex did(in my mind she was perfect for me-even with all her baggage and the pain she did cause me. ). Then I think if we did try again I would be back where I was.  Happy and talking to her and seeing her again.  Having fun with her like I did  making memories. (We made a lot of memories together in the year we were together considering the distance between us).. then Thinking about when the future would allow us to be together. And the heartache of waiting for that. Then thinking it would just fail again. Then start over.

I really wish I could shut my brain and heart off. I really do.

I used to never be like this. I would of just moved on to something new. Now it’s hard to focus on projects or doing things. Maybe it’s because she enjoyed so much of what I did that everything still reminds me of her.

An example is I was going through my RV getting it ready for campimg and I came across things she bought for it. And a hat she bought me at a car show we went to. A hat that she hated but saw that I liked it so she bought it for me  anyways

I do know it takes time for memories to fade into something that you look back on and smile rather than look back on and hurt because she is gone.

It’s just hard. I want so bad just to call her and ask her. But I know right now would be bad. That’s why I was hoping she would meet with me in person as “friends”. At least then I could of gotten some kind of vibe from her. It’s so hard to know over texting. Even if she quit texting as much.

Ive been told to focus on all the bad. And that will help. Ive tried. I really have, all I see is all the good in her. And all the love she did show me and my girls. I see all the things I loved about her.

I guess I wait. Like you all said if it’s meant to be it will be.

I just can’t help but wonder if I don’t do or say anything if I’m passing up on the one chance I could have to make it happen.   But then I think if she is thinking I’m being needy again and I try. Will it push her away.

I hate games like this. I wish I could just tell her in person “ hi,  I know we had a rough ending and have both gone our separate ways. But, I can’t help how I feel about you and wanted to ask u if you would consider giving us one more try. If not then I will not ever ask this again. But if you have any feeling in your heart. Isn’t it worth a try?”

if you were a person that was truly in love with someone( I felt it in my bones with her the way she acted with me), but had a bad break up. And then came around later. How would you take that?  Or is there something more or less I should say?