Tash, I don’t recommend being friends. I thought I could but it just gave me false hope. It hurt way to much. And knowing that she is happy with someone else is like murder to my soul.

I think I’ve figured out that love it true love is bullshit and a scam. I really believe you only find that once in a lifetime. I thought I had it but apparently no matter what she said or felt about me she really didn’t. Otherwise she would of wanted to try to fix our problems before just giving up.

Ive decided it’s going to be easier to be alone. It’s not worth the pain of trying to be in love with someone again. It hurts now really bad and I do t know if that pain will ever completely go away. So I’m just going to date and have fake/surface relationships that don’t mean anything. Easier to have a hardened heart than a giving one. That’s for sure. I do get lonely but at least I won’t be broken anymore. I hope.

As for counseling. I can’t afford it right now. I wish I could but I can’t. And when I did go that didn’t seem to help anyways.

I appreciate all your guys help and advice and am grateful for the support. I just can’t keep going thinking I will find someone again and feel like I did/do about her. It was too amazing and wonderful to lose it all. I don’t want to go through that again.

I just deleted all of our pics I had stored on my phone. I had almost 500 taken in less than a year. And everyone of them everyone said we looked so happy together. Which I thought we were.

Im just going to try to learn how to be happy by myself.