S,

Congratulations for your growth and compassion for yourself.  I am impressed by your self awareness and authenticity.  I too work on all of that for myself.  Celebrate your breakthroughs.  Yeah!

I was using David Snarch’s term, “crucible” from his Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.  What I understand what that is, is when the relationships moves from “lovey dovey,” stars-in-your-eyes phase to a time when the relationship goes into crisis.  This is when one or both of your are given an opportunity to grow, deal with your wounds and what was missed from your childhood.  You/the relationship can either go up in flames or alchemy happens, i.e. the relationship will grow and flourish.

Be well on this journey called life and relationship.

Best,
Mark