S,

Congratulations for your growth and compassion for yourself.  I am impressed by your self awareness and authenticity.  I too work on all of that for myself.  Celebrate your breakthroughs.  Yeah!

I was using David Snarch’s term, “crucible” from his Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.  What I understand what that is, is when the relationships moves from “lovey dovey,” stars-in-your-eyes phase to a time when the relationship goes into crisis.  This is when one or both of your are given an opportunity to grow, deal with your wounds and what was missed from your childhood.  You/the relationship can either go up in flames or alchemy happens, i.e. the relationship will grow and flourish.

Be well on this journey called life and relationship.

Best,
Mark

S,

It looks like my response did not post so I’m rewriting it.

Crucible comes from David Schnarch’s book, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.  This is when the relationship gets to the point when the couple’s differences/expectations/wounds/issues come to a head and the relationship either ends or grows, whether it burns up or the alchemy happens.  The real personal growth happens when we are faced with issues that we need to heal from and accept within ourselves.  The intimacy of the relationship forces that for us.

Congratulations for the hard work and awareness you have undertaken.  I strive for authenticity myself and for that self-awareness.  Continue to be gentle with yourself.  I believe love is a verb and not that initial, illusional state of romanticizing the other.

Your personal power is knowing you can be happy on your own and not dependent on the whims of the other.

Mark