Anita

Thanks again for paying me attention. While my upbringing was an issue I seriously am not waiting on my parents, I don’t even consider calling them for help. That’s why I’m talking to you and not them. I know I’m not getting shit from them, I’m happy to keep talking about them but I know my thirst for love won’t be fulfilled by them. I have no hope they will ever be able to help me. They can’t help themselves. I hope this is clear.

However I still need help with this empathy for myself I guess, as it seems I’m the only person who wants to love me, but still don’t know how. I’m also beginning to sense you might be tired of responding to me because I’m essentially just complaining at this point that I’m not loved.

With all that being said I still need help, i couldn’t sleep last night, like many night because I still long for someone to be emotionally and physically close to. I started freaking out so I went outside and sat in my car for a while and smoked. I missed my class this morning because I was too tired for one, but also too embarrassed to show up without my presentation completed. I have so many responsibilities right now and I’m very overwhelmed but I can’t slow down I have less than a year to graduate.

It’s hard for me to empathize with myself right now for not completing my work. I wasted my off day yesterday I went to a coffee shop to do work but I continue to be distracted by other people and fantasize about how it my feel to be loved as they appear to be. This happens pretty much any time I’m in public and I get so overwhelmed with emotion I have to leave every time before I have another break down. I’m very afraid right now my feelings are going to keep me from finishing my degree. I’m not sure how I can empathize with myself for mot doing my work.

I feel so worthless, and in a way i feel like i keep posting here hoping you might validate my worth as a person by telling me good things about myself but I know thats my job. I just can’t do it myself.