Dear Anita,

I feel lighter today than yesterday. How incredible it has only been one day. This shows the power of truth telling. It truly does. Yesterday I was open and vented. I saw a memory but then targeted the reality of the memory. Real work happening. And it is real. Ibfeel it. That relief that is so elusive, well u got a small taste of it. Why? Because I persisted.

There is no honor in always rising above. Denying your authentic needs. There is no honor only depletion.

The reality is the truth doesn’t isn’t pretty. The reality is what you need sometimes isn’t going to make others feel good. The truth is what serves you may not serve another person. But If the truth is yours, that’s what matters.

I know there are some triggers in my life right now that I am going to curtail. It may lead to discomfort within me to make these changes. That’s okay.

I have spent a lifetime of feeling worried I wouldn’t be there enough for others. But the whole time never being there enough for myself. And now husband. How interesting that I am so obsessed with being there for others even when it’s not necessary. But yet deny my husband this much needed prioritization.

My mother never taught me the sanctity of marriage. She never taught me much at all. I can learn how. But in order to learn I can and will be selfish. It is my time and if it is all about me. So be it. I need to learn from scratch and it will take all my will. Sorry there isn’t any left for anyone else. (except husband and I)