Dear Anita,

i too am starting to see if I change my role with my sister it will help her too. It will enable her to form her own wings and not have any dependent mind set.

More importantly, even within the one day I have told her this – I feel lighter. Yes I do feel guilty and she hasn’t responded. I do think some time apart and not speaking is important. She is currently staying with my parents and whether one may realize it or not, the energy of my parents will be absorbed by her and so if I speak to her I am essentially getting that mom energy back. Which I don’t want.

I recall a long time ago you mentioned your full time job, your sole job is to heal. I didn’t get it. When I thought about it the picture that came to mind would be a patient in a psych hospital. Unable to do anything but may there and “heal.” Now I see it differently.

It is not so much about how functional we are, it is more about what the truth is.

Right now I am great at work, it is outside of work where I suffered. Where I found my mind wasn’t settled and I felt stuck and no relief.

It didn’t seem I had to make changes to my life – as I thought I already had. But the amount of discipline (perhaps the word) or self directed ness it requires to create an environment of healing is incredible. If for the person eating lunch after 2 triggers them to get anxiety. Then so be it. They can prevent that. If picking up any phone call after 6 pm doesn’t allow their mind to shut down before sleep, so be it. Whatever it may be is VALID. It must be accepted by the person fully in order to create the appropriate environment. For me It isn’t that I have to live in a cocoon – it is that if I choose that right now this is my full time job and I truly don’t want to engage with anyone (besides husband) on a deeper level – it makes sense. I am so incredibly depleted that OF course I need a protected asylum of sorts.

So yes I will maintain this protection. It is working Anita – already! Yesterday for the first time in a long time I was able to take a nap? Why? Because I was able to relax both my mind and body naturally! What an advancement. I had no conversations with anyone after work and it was brilliant. So why should I ever during this time If I don’t need to? No reason at all