Anita

Thanks and I understand the focus on the relationship with my mother, because as you wrote that relationship has been the one that created my shame, my father only added fuel to the fire, but I never felt guilty or responsible over his well being like I did with my mom.

You may have already addressed this, and I apologize if I’m being redundant but I’m just not understanding how to go about believing myself to be a good person, besides not contacting my mom as you advised. I was reluctant at first to cut contact with my mom because I feel sorry for her, but I see that is exactly the problem. If I don’t call my mom, or am not open with her she starts to blame herself which then makes me feel more guilty and sorry for her, taking my empathy. I think I am getting somewhat better at empathizing with myself. I am motivated by love, and hopefully having self empathy will help me get moving again, but I don’t know if I can reach that place alone, without help, I’m burntout on picking myself up off the ground, as horrible as it sounds sometimes I just want to be rescued.