Dear Anita,

Good to hear from you. Its funny that you messaged on here, as I’ve been meaning to message you the past couple days!! I meant to do it on 11:11 (a big spiritual day for me) but I was busy writing down manifestations for the future!!

How are you? How have you been?

Things for me have been pretty stable, but I do continue to push myself and grow.

Bristol has been great! We went all out on Halloween and did the house up amazing. My birthday was back in April but I was having a breakdown so didn’t celebrate it, so I celebrated it on Halloween instead. Great time with my close friends. Very funny.

I continue to do the long hour days. Which is fine.

Last week I had a bit of an epiphany at work. I was on a long day and around 4.30 I started feeling really trapped. It made me think about my life. The job I’m at now isn’t a job where I want to be forever. I would prefer a more chilled job but atm I need to just keep a job in order to pay back my debt. That is the main goal. I also realised that band stuff was really stagnant and not happening. And realised Ive been wanting to dye my hair for ages.

I took some time out on shift and had a little cry. I called my friend Emily. It was a wake up call to start doing the things I love now. I got in touch with my bassist and told her I NEED to do this etc. Need to throw myself in to a project. She got it together and we now have band practice this coming Friday. I also dyed my hair bright red last night and it looks great. Today I also did loads of guitar practice. I feel like I am becoming the person I want to be.

I struggle alot thinking I’m not good enough. But I did it. I dyed my hair. And I practiced guitar and wrote a solo. I’m starting to feel like my goals aren’t as impossible as I have seen them in my mind. And that is honestly one of the most liberating things ever for me….. I wish I could feel this capable and in alignment all the time!

In general things are stable and good…. In the past week I have had contact with Toby over messenger… I asked to see how he was, and it ended up turning in to a conversation where he was open with me about where he’s at and why he’s being self destructive. He opened up about his family and his upbringing and lots of different stuff and how he sees himself etc. I spoke to him for hours. He said he felt weird because he doesn’t talk to people about his stuff etc.

I was rational and I connected with him on a human to human level and was giving him some advice about well being, self care etc.

It was hard for me to hear him be so hard on himself. He calls himself a lot of horrible names all the time and is generally in a really bad place. Doing a lot of drugs, drinking alot etc etc.

I was worried about him. And because I’m an empath, my worry and concern stayed with me and consumed me to the point where I didn’t go to work on Monday.

I spoke to my friend Michael about all of this, and he said that it sounds like I am a healer. I agreed and said that when I see someone suffering, I feel that energy and feel an urgent call to help them.

I realised this. I spoke to Toby and I said, that I can’t sacrifice my health or wellbeing in order to help him and that only he can do that for himself. But I did say that I would encourage him towards being able to help and care for himself.

I offer him advice. As and when he replies. I have put his message notifications on mute, so I can read them as and when I am ready and so messages do not alarm me etc.

My housemates think I shouldn’t be talking to him. But I have a feeling that I’m probably one of the few people in his life who have time, patience and general kindness that I think he does need from somewhere. He is in a really bad place, and if my messages bring a little bit of hope in to his life, then I think it’s worth it.

Let me know your thoughts.

Cat