The really shitty part is that if this was my ex.  I would do it without question.  I would of even drove an hour each way each day if needed for as long as needed and loved doing it.  What does that say about my feelings for my girlfriend?  I know I love her, but is it not an unconditional love?  Or a love  like i would have for a really good friend?  I feel like in my own selfish desperation to have that attention i needed, i jumped into a situation compromising other peoples livelihood and well being.  Now there are hers and my kids in the balance and her as well.

I think you might need to be a little more honest with yourself here. You would’ve started out doing it without question, but it would’ve taken its toll on you, just like what you’re doing is now. For example, my ex didn’t have a car for a while, and I happily let him take mine because it would help him out and I didn’t really need to use it much, but as the months went on and he was still driving it and I was still working around not having a car myself because he had mine, it wore on me and I began to be annoyed that I didn’t have my car and he was putting miles on mine, even though it wasn’t his fault (it was getting fixed that whole time). So you just don’t know how you would’ve felt in that situation. You might’ve tolerated a bit longer than you have with your current girlfriend, but eventually, the result feelings likely would’ve been the same. The same with your ex living so far away. You cannot deny that that distance got to you, no matter how much you loved her. That was a big hurdle in your relationship. The connections we had with our ex’s may have felt magical, but they weren’t actually magic. The hurdles will still pop up and we will still have feelings about those hurdles, no matter who we are with.

All i do know is this.  I’m going to focus on doing my best, not making any situation about me, learning to not be so insecure and worry about what other people need and think.  And try to make it about the kids.  The are innocent in all of this and didn’t ask for it.  It is very hard though when i feel my heart so heavy every day.

This is very good. You do not have to feel as miserable as you do right now. It’s your own mind making you feel that way because it keeps wanting to focus on the wrong things and you are still learning how to redirect it. Once you get better at bringing your mind back to what is good about your present life, it will stop pulling you toward what it feels you’re lacking so much. And as looong as you keep focusing on that lack, you’re going to keep getting more lack.