Khasxo,

I can most definitely relate. That + being an absolute hopeless romantic and believing that love conquers all and ‘whatever is yours will always find its way back to you’ and ‘this kind of love only comes once in a lifetime’ are only some of the thing’s that keep me in this phase of being unable to let go! It’s so exhausting!

It’s ridiculous that I am almost willing to put aside all of the past hurt, trauma, my wants & needs just to be with this man because having him in my life means more than anything else in the world. Rationally I realise that’s not healthy. As you say, it’s an addiction. But nonetheless, the heart wants what it wants! It’s messed up.

I couldn’t of said it better.  If i could ask you something?  What was it that ended your relationship?  I know for me if she was to come back, i would jump on it in a heart beat.  No matter what it was.  Even if she had cheated on me.  It would be hard, but i would have to try.

Reality doesn’t accommodates our fantasies… fantasy feels better but it isn’t better in between those temporary thrills of emotion. And when the thrill is over for good, then… look at your devastation. Holding on to Fantasy is simply not worth it.

I agree with you 100%.  As my girlfriend told me.  That life i did have with my ex was a fantasy.  It wasn’t real.  She was a weekend girlfriend, so of coarse when we did have time together it was always amazing.  Always fun.  As i’m writing this, i’m thinking of my oldest daughter.  I only got her every other weekend.  In that relationship, we had fun every time i had her. there wasn’t time for bad times.  We had to make the most of the time we did have.  I guess that’s similar to what i had with my ex.  since i only got to see her limited time, when we did get that.  We did fun things.  Planned fun things.  Even if it was staying at home watching shitty movies.  It was fun and exciting and our real world problems didn’t exist because we didn’t let them, until hers became too much and then they became a part of our lives on a regular basis.  Taking away from the “fun” and being able to escape from reality.  It’s just so hard to let that go, and be done.  It was like a drug.  The most addictive and powerful drug ever.  That all being said.  I do know that i loved her, still love her more than anything in this world and universe.  I would still give anything for her, even if i wasn’t going to be with her.  If she needed something i would do it without any question and not care about any consequence of it.  It kills me to know this about myself also.

I was in a situation very similar to what you are describing and I felt the very same emotions you are also describing.  I knew that they were not rational and not based in reality.  You will get through this.  I promise.  Try and stop those pink cloud fantasy thoughts with gratitude for the here and now.  Be present

I am trying to stop those thoughts.  Being a hopeless romantic doesn’t help me at all.  I try to think about if we did live together or were able to see each other all the time.  Would i have had enough, or would we of gotten to each other too much that it would of killed it also.

Some things, reasons i do blame myself is that she did tell me that all she needed was for me to just listen, not to try to fix anything or make it better.  She just needed me to listen and i didn’t.  I did some, but then i would turn the situation around and make it about me, or try to tell her what she needed to do.  Which no one can tell you what to do or how to fix yourself.  That is something you have to be able to do on your own.  i’m learning this about myself now.