I wonder now whether it is love at all. Or just attachment and being completely reliant on someone. It makes me feel like I am loosing control of my life. Like I too need a fix so that I can succeed in life. So I can feel happy again.

I have tried to withdraw from these feelings and learn to not rely or need him so much so that my actual everyday life depends on it but when I do that I feel I am not being true to myself? Almost like I won’t tell him about the events of today because i will fall into a pattern of needing to do this again!

Kkasxo, have you ever heard the term cognitive dissonance? It can drive a person crazy when your mind believes you need to do one thing and your heart tells you that that doesn’t feel right. Until both things come into agreement, it’s extremely uncomfortable. I think that’s kind of what you’re experiencing where you know it’s not good for you to talk to him because it feeds your attachment to him, but at the same time, you feel like you should be. The way to fix this is to decide which direction really is the best way to go and then keep going that direction and stay firm with it and eventually the other will fall in line.

I don’t know if you’ve read much of my story in this thread, but I had a relationship similar to yours as well. I’m somehow farther along in my recovery as I knew I had attachment issues and that that was the lesson this breakup was trying to teach me, so I’ve been working seriously hard since January to break my attachment issues, not just to my ex but to everything else I’m attached to (like “things” for example. My house is cluttered because I had a hard time getting rid of anything and I had to learn how to detach from that stuff too).  So I think you’re right. It IS an addiction and an attachment that you’re feeling, but those can both be overcome with work. A lot of work. But I feel it’s worth it.

And I don’t know if this will help, but I truly believe we have much more than one or even two soulmate connections out there. There is a whole group of people scattered across the planet who are connected to us in that way and capable of giving us the feeling that we felt with our exes. So it’s totally possible for you to find that love again, but it most likely won’t happen until you’re able to let go of your ex. It’s okay to give yourself as long as you need, though. These things take time. I am light years better than I was even 2 months ago, but I still have my days where I miss him and cry (usually when something is going bad somewhere else in my life and I miss the comfort I used to get from him), and that’s okay. It’s just a process.