Valora, in response to your question. Why don’t I want to let her go.

I think it’s because I’m letting go of everything. It feels like I’m letting go of ever being with her again. Of really saying goodbye. I never really gave it a whole lot of thought. But letting go of her to me means letting go of the best thing I ever had in my life. Letting go of the idea of never  having that again.  I know what you’ve said about if it’s meant to be that it will happen someday  I think I’m hanging on so tight to what I had with her because I don’t want it to end.  Like I’m still living in the fantasy of what I had with her.  I guess a good example is some friends of mine took a weekend retreat this last weekend and posted all about it.  It really tugged at my heart because that was the life I used to have.  The romance I had with her.  The fun.  It hurts to see other people like that.  Because it reminds me of what I had .  It’s so hard to accept that that is gone for what seems like forever.  So hard to be happy for what I did have when I had it.

I know I have to quit comparing relationships  that’s not fair to anyone and only makes things worse.

i agree with you 100% on focusing on me. It’s very hard though. I want to be healthy. Eat better. Lose wieght. And quit smoking. But whenever I start to do those things I get depressed.  I think about how I was a hypocrite with her because I was always trying to help her with her things. Being healthy and losing weight and I said I would do it to and never did. It’s like no matter what I do it brings me back to her. I do know when I am busy. It helps a lot.  Also though when I’m home alone watching my girlfriends kids. It makes it worse.  Really conflicting.

I did have a pretty good weekend. My girlfriend and I got out for a couple hours on Friday night. I took all the girls out to lunch on saaturday. Then   Saturday night my girlfriend went out and had dinner. Then today hit. She was going to work and I started feeling depressed. It’s like whe I feel tied down. I really need to get over this. It’s so exhausting. I want to be happy again. I’m so tired of this feeling.