. I kind of think it’s silly she considers that betraying her trust anyway.

she was a little funny that way.  Basically what was the final straw or her excuse was that I copied and pasted a text she had sent to me, and I accidentally sent it to back to her by mistake.  She is very private and isn’t one to “parade” her feelings, ect..  Anything said or done was special, just between us.  So the idea of me sharing that text, especially with her friend “talking behind her back”  Felt like a huge betrayal to her, and that I lied to her about it, then also lied to her about how i felt.  I never told her how i really felt about things when they went south.  I always told her, it was okay and I understand.  Which was a lie.  It wasn’t and I didn’t.

She has a really big issue with lying.  She told me from the beginning about that.  So in a way i was lying to her for a little while.

I’m not sure she’d be worth having back anyway because there’s a certain lack of understanding there, especially since she’s the one who betrayed your trust to begin with

this speaks volumes to me.  Weather or not she did cheat on me.  I still feel like she lied to me and betrayed my trust.  I trusted her with my heart.  I trusted that she would be upfront and honest with me about things.  Instead of not saying anything until she had had enough.  I guess we are both kind of guilty of some of the same things, the difference is that I was willing to do whatever it took to push through that hard time.  For her, it got rough and she bailed.  That really hurt.  Someone that had told me she would always protect my heart. Even promised it.  Then when my heart was on the line.  She left.  To me, that is someone that feels guilty about something.  whatever it may have been.

Thanks again.  I had a decent night last night btw.  I did have some reoccurring thoughts, but i tried to stay busy cleaning and stuff.   I was even able to get 6 hours of sleep!!

Got to get to work.  I’m sure i will be back  on here later.