I toooootally agree with Anita. You should not be responsible for taking care of her kids. They are HER kids, and if she is too low income to be able to pay for child care, she should look into state funding for that sort of thing. That’s why it’s there. I cannot imagine sticking my boyfriend with dad duties when he is a boyfriend and not a STEPDAD.  You two are not married, so you have no obligation to take on those sorts of duties, and if it is making you miserable and leaving you with no time for self-care or to be with friends and relax, then I agree with Anita and say you shouldn’t do it.  Or maybe even just do it less. See if she can get state help to get them in daycare or to a babysitter more of the time so that you don’t have all of that responsibility.

Then i thought… SEE!  This is what started to mess everything up in my head in the first place!  Anytime she did anything, I started to overthink every little thing and assume shit.  Instead of just thinking she did what she did for reasons i don’t know.

You’re starting to catch yourself! That is a great sign and that’s how you heal and let go. As soon as you catch yourself starting to overthink things or wonder about things you couldn’t possibly figure out the true answer to, you just say “whoa, wait, I’m overthinking again” and then focus on something else.  It doesn’t matter what your ex does or why she does the things she does because none of that stuff is going to get you two back together. The ONLY thing that will matter is if she messages you saying “I made a mistake…” or whatever and you go from there, but no matter what, overthinking and over analyzing will only drive you crazy.

You ARE still letting yourself ruminate on the things you miss about your ex, though, so that’s something you’ll want to work on, too. Same thing “whoa, I’m ruminating again, better focus on something else for a bit.”  Eventually you’ll just stop doing those things or definitely not nearly as often. She’ll just kind of pop into your mind here and there and then the thoughts will flow peacefully back out, and that’s what you’re aiming for here.