I completely understand what you’re saying, and think that I have the tendency to reflect inward as opposed to what the other person is doing. So thank you for pointing that out to me.

As for his lack of affection, it would come in many forms. Physically, he would not be the one to hold my hand for long periods of time in public. When he would do it, it would be to make me happy and then be followed by a ‘joking’ comment such as “okay, that’s enough”. When we’d sit together on the couch, he’d be on one side and I’d be on the other, despite me mentioning that I am feeling distant and wanted to be close. I also felt as though our relationship lacked spontaneity – there would be no kisses or hugs just because. Sex, as I mentioned, was selfish and made me not even want to kiss and engage by the end of it.

Also, there was a lack of emotional intimacy that I felt. We didn’t really talk about our feelings for one another, because, and this may be a cultural thing, he just assumed that I would know how he felt. This was the same with marriage, moving in, children, etc.

In the small times we’ve spent together, he has made an effort to show these to me. I have been unable to kiss him more than a peck, and definitely have not been able to have sex because I feel emotionally closed off right now. When I talk to him about whether this is something that is sustainable for him, and not just something he is doing for me, he responds by saying that it is sustainable because he knows that if he ever went back to the way he was he’d lose me again.