Evening Kkasxo and Shelby,

So I am now broke, my family are giving me the silent treatment (which on one hand is nice but also isolating and i’m worried about them but too stubborn to call) and single after breaking my ex’s heart for the second time.

I just felt like things could be fixed if it wasn’t long-distance and if my mind didn’t overthink too much. I had a relaxing weekend with him but the same old issues lingered, paranoia and feeling pressurised to fix things. Anita, wrote on “lone wolf” how it may be best for me to have distance from my mother and boyfriend, which I agreed with and ended things.

I had to be honest with myself, which I find easy, however acting upon it, not so easy. I realised that our issues cannot be fixed overnight and its going to be ten times harder in a long distance situation. I’m going to try and see if I can get counselling to start in January and try to build myself up (get out more, do some actual exercise). It’s difficult because I do love him but now I know why they say sometimes love isn’t enough, in our case its just bad timing, I need to build on my confidence, find a job and find the belief in myself I used to have before it was whitled down by sly comments and emotional manipulation (from my mum).

How can you get into a relationship with someone then hurt them so much? how can you promise someone the world then just ruin their world?!

One moment I am so grateful to have him in my life and then the next moment I feel trapped. I think whilst I am feeling so up and down it is unfair on me to carry on being in a relationship with him. I want him to be happy, and even though he may be happy with me I believe he deserves better, someone who wouldn’t hurt him like this.

I have spent my evening watching a movie and building a jigsaw. I am trying to occupy myself from messaging him as usual my mind is overthinking he will do something stupid, even though I know he will just be downing shots at a party and feeling a bit shit, and I watch too many documentaries.

I guess I got what I wanted, which was to be in charge of my own fate, to feel in control, so why do I feel so scared?

I will read your posts and reply to them. I feel bad for coming back and posting, then going away for a bit then coming back and posting, but about myself.

He agreed that he will be my friend but I must give him time to process stuff etc I feel bad that I have even put him in that position, because ultimately I will never see him as a friend and I will always love him. urgh, great now I’m crying.

– V

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Victoria.