Thanks.  it’s very hard not to fall into that hole  again.  She is so jealous of my girlfriend.  Yet she was the one that told me to move on, she was the one the left me.  She was the one that started dating again only a month after she had left me because she couldn’t be in a relationship.  It’s like she has issues with someone else making her ex happy.  Even though she told me several times i needed to find someone that can give me what i need and deserve.  and how much that she has moved on and is with someone else and I need to do the same.  But yet when i have she despises her.  She even referred to her as a bitch.  I don’t get it.  If she has such a problem, then why did she ever leave me in the first place and tell me to start a new chapter in my life and find someone?? Like i said, i think she has to be in total control?  And for her not to be with us, is what drove her away.

I must say, i still do love her though.  Crazy how the mind and heart thinks differently.  I am being good though.  Still going to stick to my plan.  Tonight is my girlfriends last night on that shitty job, she will have a week off, then start a part time with better hours.  I will stick it out with her for awhile to see if i do feel better about us once her schedule is better.  If not, then i will have no choice but to move on from her.  One thing i have learned is that I can’t keep putting on a fake smile hoping things will get better. Either i will be completly happy most all the time, or i will be miserable and build up more and more resentment.  If things don’t get better with us, i do want them to end a lot differently then with my ex.