Dear Anita,

In the second scenario, I shall say it is more of a sentiment versus a scenario.

In this scenario I will be telling my sister, if she does assert that I am in any way RESPONSIBLE for how she feels etc.  I will let her know that space is essential, and that if she is dealing with an issue, she can approach me with questions etc – but I am not in charge of being her primary helper.

This reminds me, more than anything, I will let her know – which is totally amiss – that my first and foremost priority is my husband.  Yes above her.  This is new and changed.  It does not make me a bad sister.  It does not make me a selfish sister.  It does not make me a bad person.  It does not make me a selfish person.

It makes me a smart, well adjusted adult.  I will not “un-adjust” myself for others. It helps no one.

So yes, I am here, in the capacity I can be, only when it is a win-win for me and my husband.