well, it’s been over a week since my last post on this thread.  I’m sorry to say that I haven’t gotten any better.  I can’t stop thinking about her.  It’s gotten ridiculous.  I’ve been remembering things and times with her that just break my heart.  Times that I felt so relaxed and “at home”.  I really do miss her a lot.  I would give anything to hear her voice or just hold her hand and get lost in her eyes.

I guess it doesn’t help that i’ve been going through such a drama/stressful time at home now with my girlfriend.

This is absolutely killing me though.  I’ve even wrote her a couple letters.  DON”T WORRY, i’m not going to send them.  It just helps when i write sometimes.  Maybe that’s why I’m on here so much anymore.  They are safely secured on my computer.  No body can see them but me.

Oh it hurts though.  I wish I could get over this fantasy illusion that one day I’m going to see her again, weather it be just for a coffee or lunch or whatever and she is going to look into my eyes and be able to tell that I have changed and grown and that I am the man she fell in love with.  The man she called “home”.  The man that she told that she told she wanted her boys to be like when they grow up.

Life is cruel.  I have learned that.  I’ve never been one of those “blessed” people that everything just falls in place.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for what i have and my girls.  I guess its always greener on the other side right?

Well, I need to go and why my tears again.  I love my ex so much, miss her more, but yet days like today, I wish that i would of never answered that message from her.