lindsey,

It is tough making that transition from being married for so long (especially when you share children) to a more independent life.

I am sorry that you are feeling shame and anxiety.

It seems that you are learning all the hard lessons of what not to do, i.e. do not jump into another relationship until you finalize the divorce (signed papers) and giving yourself at least a year of living on your own without dating.  Do not date your manager or preferably anyone you work with.

If there is healing to be had, e.g. PTSD then heal or at least be well into being healed before starting another relationship.

Guidance?  I assume you have considered leaving your current position to somewhere else where you won’t see your manager/ex-lover?

I assume that you are going to or at least considered therapy to deal with your impending divorce and PTSD.

If not then those are go places to start.

Take care,
Mark